Archive for the ‘Monday Morning Commute’ Category

Monday Morning Commute: Ultimate Geeks Super Time

Monday, March 8th, 2010

My Boyfriend

[pic : source]

It’s fucking weird out today. Something’s up. Massachusetts feels like it exists on an inhabitable planet. Which is really odd, since the shit and the snow and the sleet and the muck had convinced me we were on some awful amalgam of Hoth and Dagobah. I’ll take it though. The skies are blue, the air doesn’t stink of frost and snow, and the wind only makes my nipples slightly hard. Knowing New England we’ll be struck by an unforgiving blizzard next week, but who the fuck cares. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

Freaks and Geeks

Watching / Freaks and Geeks

I just started watching Freaks and Geeks, and no, I cannot provide you with the answer you’re looking for.

Why, dear God, have you not watched this show yet?

I don’t know, okay? I’ve had much venerated friends recommend the show to me. I’ve read all about the geeky references to nerd staples like Rush and Battlestar Galactica. I’ve been amazed at the cast that was assembled, given their current day success. And yet? I hadn’t watched this shit until the last couple of weeks.

I may never have seen it, given the way I was going, if it weren’t for a direct interjection by Pepsibones’ better half. I returned to the Man Cave one day, and the DVD boxset was sitting on my computer desk. “For Ian”, it read. I had mentioned in passing to The Girl Zany Enough to Take On Pepsibones As A Boyfriend how much I wanted to check out the show, and then I simply forgot all about it. And one day? One day it was here!

I dig it. I dig it a lot, and so does Mrs. Caffeine Powered. I bet when she reads that I referred to her as my bride, she will throw up a little bit in her mouth. I love you, honey! We stayed up late watching it on Friday night, and the next thing we knew it was like 1 in the morning.

I really dig on how miserable everyone in the show is; at first it was weird, because I was like, man, everyone seems so unhappy and confused. That’s when the Mrs was like, no shit, it’s fucking high school. Oh  yeah. There’s no neat denouement at the end of every episode, and that’s refreshing.

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I’m pretty stoked for Spring Break to be coming out. If I had to describe my first semester thus far in graduate school, I’d respond with an “Eh”. I enjoy one of my classes, and I dread the other. The reading is the definition of voluminous, and the payoff in class for spending countless hours by myself reading most of the time isn’t worth it. I’ve always been confused by a pedagogy that makes the student consume far more material than can be discusses. It’s always made more sense that the students should consume less, and concentrate more on that material.

I felt that way as an undergrad in survey courses, and I believe it even more now. I mean, back in the day, we’d cram Hamlet into a class. And it was like, really? These days I’m digesting five-hundred pages from various sources, only to have a fraction of those sources discussed.

In a jaded way, it’s like, why am I even busting my ass to read that scholarly article way down the reading list? There’s no tests on it, we’re not going to discuss it, and if I choose to do my final project on something else entirely, it won’t impact my academic life at all.

So I can use a break from sitting on this computer chair for five hours at a time and reading something from the sixteenth or seventeenth century.

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The Wasteland

Playing / Fallout 3

Have I mentioned that Final Fantasy XIII is coming out tomorrow? Have I? I have? Okay, good.

I picked up Fallout 3 again last week, and god damn, do I love it. I had a brief lull in my gaming life, where I didn’t have the time to finish off one of the countless games in my backlog, but I needed a break from Mass Effect. My entire gaming life since January had been Mass Effect-centric, between capping my characters in the original, and playing through the sequel twice. I needed a break, so I bit a one-tear goodbye to my Mrs. Thrace Shepard, and put the disc away for a bit.

Fallout 3 is the (atomic) bomb. Haha, puns! Somehow I had managed to miss thirty-percent of the quests in the game, which is ideally a testament to the enormity of the title. And less a commentary on how much of an asshole I am when I bomb through games and don’t take time to appreciate them.

It’s probably the latter. Fiddlesticks.

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I think I may have been one of six people in the world to write about Pepsi Max Cease Fire, since a good amount of our hits are coming from people searching for it on Google.

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The Red Skull is A Rogers!? WTFBBQ

Reading / Ultimate Avengers, Mark Millar and Carlos Pacheco

Pepsibones wrote about this shit last week, but it’s worth echoing. Forget Kick-Ass, I think Ultimate Avengers is the best thing Mark Millar is churning out currently. Maybe that’ll change when Nemesis comes out, who knows. The entire thing is just patently insane. The Red Skull is Captain America’s kid, and he killed JFK. Repeat that sentence in your mind two or three times, and once it registers and you say “What the fuck?!” come back to me.

Yeah, exactly.

It’s insane, it’s hyper-violent, it’s the Avengers movie that’ll never be, because it couldn’t be pulled off on film. It’s bizarre, it’s irreverent, it’s the Marvel universe through the eyes of a madman who has obviously been granted the keys to the kingdom. This title alone is a justification for the Ultimate universe.

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What are you, those unlucky enough to read my slop, up to?

Monday Morning Commute: Fear and Loathing in Final Fantasy

Monday, March 1st, 2010

FIGURE SKATER 2
[pic : source]

Spring is coming! As I type this laying on the snow-covered mud-filled backyard of mine, entirely in the nude, I can feel it coming. And it fucking better! Because I fell down my ice-covered god damn stairs on Saturday night. Right in front of my fucking girlfriend. And I could almost hear her thoughts, “I am seriously considering combining genetic material with this lumbering asshole?” So fuck the snow! Despite feeling my lower extremities freezing as I type this on my iPhone in said snow bank, I can almost hear the birds. And flying saucers. I think I may be experiencing brain death. Shit.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

BAT COUNTRY

Reading / Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

I know what you’re thinking. How did a depraved asshole such as myself put off reading this book for so long? Simple answer: I’m an asshole. But what a fucking book. For starters, it’s nice to be reading something that resembles my thought process. Full of vulgarity, fluid prose, and uh, vulgarity and hallucinations. I’ve been mired in 17th Century British literature for so fucking long with its “chuses” and its “shewed” and other inane bullshit that I’m beyond stoked to be ingesting this madness.

The whole thing reads like a manifesto from Pepsibones thirteen years in the future when he finally comes unhinged. No, seriously. If you want to see what my brother is going to grow up to be when he finally unravels, check this book out. My girlfriend gave me this book to give to him, and I’m actually scared to give it to him. I can only see him running around the house huffing ether and screaming to burn it down while he makes Nana bang on some pot with a spatula to some tribal beat.

FUNNY OR DIE
Everyone knows Funny or Die as “that website with the little girl who is the landlord”, but it’s a pretty deec site. Yeah, I typed deec. And now they have a show on HBO, which is basically just a smorgsborg of skits. It’s pretty hit or miss, but it’s all sorts of odd, and I dig it. You don’t dig it? That’s okay. I just used my mind to give you diarrhea.

Merry Christmas!

Watching / Funny or Die Presents

LIGHTNING STRIKES

Playing / Final Fantasy XIII

Next week, fucking Final Fantasy XIII drops! OMFG. Next week, LIGHTNING STRIKES. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Do you get it? The main character is named LIGHTNING. NEXT WEEK, LIGHTNING STRIKES! LOLOMFGROLCOPTERLOLOLMAO.

I’m excited. I’ve been sweating this thing for like four years. Four years! Do you understand how long four years is? I don’t, but I know it’s a long time. When this game is announced, I was four years younger! Think about that! I was trying to play it cool and not be excited about it, because I began to fear amid the endless tunnel criticisms that the game wasn’t going to be good. But I can’t, I can’t be unexcited. If this game doesn’t rock my world, I’m going to be banging on the pots with Nana while Pepsibones burns it down.

Monday Morning Commute: I’m Fucking Insane for Jelly Beans

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

The Pirate Funk

I’m fucking insane for jelly beans. What a great time of years, when I can just go up to a register at my local Target-Greens, Rite-Mart, or CVS and buy bags of raw sugar. Little round balls of teeth-rotting goodness. And they’re mad cheap, too. The jelly bean may be the candy that was designed with me in mind. Bless you Jesus Christ for being crucified, because the jelly beans which logically come from the season which celebrates your self-rez. Kudos and jelly beans to you!

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

TEAM EMPIRE

Watching / Team America vs. Team Canada

Last night was a triumph for the existence of the Empire. Long have we been dubbed ill-fit for the ole’ blades of ice and rubber puck sports dominated by Communists and people from the great north who fuck grizzly bears and shower in maple syrup. Sidney Crosby and the Socialists last night got a dose of American Thunder, and I for one was ebullient at our collective victory. If you didn’t see it, a) fuck you and b) just watch this video. Your mind will be blown and you will realize that all the chemically-flooded beef and energy drinks we have been consuming for the past fifty years (I know energy drinks weren’t around back then, again, fuck you) have been leading up to one thing: this win. Sure, it doesn’t count for anything medal-wise, but it was damn sweet.

EGGS OF BEAUTY

Eating / Brach’s Classic Jelly Beans

…And so I told my girlfriend if she bought me jelly beans, they damn well better not be spiced. I told her if she bought me spiced jelly beans, I would be apoplectic beyond any measure of reason. I would silently walk out of the house and take a deep walk, where I would convince myself such a slight could only be born out of ignorance and not malice. I would then calmly walk back into the house and shove them down the garbage disposal, still in the package, and continue eating my steak.

The Lube

Playing / With Myself

Just kidding! Well, I mean, sort of. And isn’t that an impressive rack of lube? That’s Google Image Search for you. But I ain’t playing anything spectacular these days. Despite bitching about the storyline in Mass Effect 2, I’ve been spending all of my gaming hours replaying the game. Aside from that, I stare out into the distance at night, contemplating the beauty which surely is Bioshock 2. Then a single tear-drop stains my face and I say the serenity prayer, dream of the day when I don’t have syllabuses filled with bullshit I don’t want to read, and I’ll get to enjoy it.

EGGS OF BEAUTY

Eating / Brach’s Classic Jelly Beans

…but seriously though, none of that funny shit. I don’t want any fucking Mike & Ike or Starburst jelly beans. I don’t need flavors. Enough of that happy horseshit. I want to bite into an egg and feel the sugar flood into my nervous system. I want to begin to feel the crackle and pop of my synapses firing at unhealthy speeds. I want to feel the very enamel begin to burn off of my teeth. Pile after pile of jelly bean shoved into my mouth, my teeth gnashing with gluttony and hate, not enjoying the jelly beans, but needing them.

Monarchy

Reading / A Monarchy Transformed: Britain 1603-1714

One of the more dope ass things I’m reading this semester is the aforementioned book. It’s part of some weird hybrid class that I’m taking that is interweaving historical texts and literature that were published before, during, and after the Restoration. It’s an interesting look at a period of time that found British rule being over turned again and again. It’s well written, and it is easy for someone to get into even without a background in history. It reads more like a non-fiction novel than a boring ass history book.

EGGS OF BEAUTY

Eating / Brach’s Classic Jelly Beans

They’re fucking good.

What are you pack of scallywags up to?

Monday Morning Commute: Peter North Has Replica Penises

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Woah, Huh?

Oh shit yeah! What the fuck is up, ya’ll! Happy President’s Day! For those outside the Empire, it’s basically a meaningless holiday. Like every other holiday, we Americans just use it as an excuse to draw people into centers of merchandise through the allure of sales based on the holiday. It’s pretty cool though, because I just bought myself a replica of Peter North’s cock. JK! Though, I’m actually impressed but not shocked that one exists. I wrote the previous sentence without verifying that it was real.

Oh, internet, you never ever fail me!

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

The Hurt Locker

Watching / The Hurt Locker

It’s worth nothing that The Hurt Locker is one of my favorite movies in a long fucking time. I watched it a couple of weeks ago, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind since. If you’re like me, and didn’t get to see it in the theaters because you’re an idiot and only see pop-slop explosion movies, go rent this shit. It’s value lies primarily in the tension that permeates the entire movie. Do you remember how intense The Dark Knight was when they were transporting Dent? The entire movie is the same sort of white-knuckle insanity.

Underlying it all is an examination of the toll of having your life on the line everyday while in the army, and the value you begin to place on various things due to it.

Also? It’s got impressive explosions.

Infoquake

Reading / Infoquake, David Louis Edelman

I’ve been wanting to read Infoquake like woah since I came across a review of it at Mishka Bloglin. The reviewer sold me with:

This book is equal parts Liberation: and Snow Crash. With maybe a slight dash of Neuromancer. Maybe.

I’m a sucker for cyberpunk, post-cyberfunk, and anything that is an off-shoot or derivative of said genres. Also, Snow Crash is one of my favorite books of all time, so the aforementioned quote translates to something like “If you like your favorite things, you’ll like it.”

After being pissed off that I couldn’t find it at Barnes and Noble, I manned up and ordered it through their website. While I wanted to spurn their asses for not carrying quality books in their stores, I recalled that I won a gift card for B&N in a vicious game of Yankee Swap back on Christmas Day. Yeah, fuck you and your Patriots’ t-shirt, I want the book fake-money! Now to be outdone, I expedited that shit! It’ll be here soon, and I plan on pushing anything I was intending to read off to the side until I rip through it with the ferocity of an unhappy Ares.

THE SHOCKER

Playing / Bioshock 2

It’s taking every fiber of self-discipline I have to not buy Bioshock 2. Like, seriously. Self-discipline is up there with Not Leaving Crumbs as two of the skills I will probably never master. And usually, the two collide. Like, when I eat an entire box of Chez-Its while drifting off to sleep in my bed as I watch NHL On The Fly. Then I wake up covered in crumbs, and I contemplate the fact that I’m never going to be able to get away with this the day My Beautiful But OCD Girlfriend lets me into her home.

So, self-discipline? Yeah, I don’t know how I’m pulling it off. Bioshock is one of my favorite games of the decade, and its sequel is just sitting on shelves asking me to consume it. I don’t think a sequel was needed, and that is one of the things I keep repeating to myself when I stare longingly through the glass at it in Target. That, and I have fourteen games I haven’t finished yet.

I know myself though, and I know that by the entire of the week I’ll be rapturously within Rapture. It’s only a matter of time.

What are you guys up to this week?

Monday Morning Commute: Libertarian Moonities, And Super Fapping

Monday, February 8th, 2010

Say Word

Do you know what I did on Friday evening? I spent seven hours reading Millenium Hall. What, you say that you don’t have a thing for eighteenth-century British women’s literature? I say to you, neither do I! Jesus Christ with a Guitar, get me the fuck out of here. Getting into my graduate program late, I didn’t have the luxury of picking classes. Rather, it was “Here is what’s available to you, and they’re still open for good reason – you’re going to want to kill yourself.” As someone who spent his entire undergraduate career focusing on ethnic, African-American, and philosophical readings, this shit is from outerspace for me.

When I haven’t been doing that, I’ve been playing Mass Effect 2 and consuming too much caffeine.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

The Moon, A Mistress And Stuff

Reading / The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress, Robert Heinlein

I picked up this book over the weekend on hearsay alone. A professor recommended it to me, and it was nagging at the back of my mind for a while. It seems to combine two concepts that I am very fond of these days, libertarianism and Sci-Fi. As a jaded former optimist, and a space-loving geek, it seems to be a perfect storm. I’m not particularly certain when I’ll get to it, because I am seemingly entrenched in reading Socialist Bible-Thumping Feminist readings from three-hundred years ago, but we’ll see.

Jack Bauer is German?!

Watching / 24

Watching 24 these days is awesome for perspective alone. It comes before the day LOST on the TV schedule, and it reminds me that LOST is fucking amazing. It’s sort of like when you’re walking through a train station and you see a homeless dude all barfing up into his scraggly homeless dude beard. All of sudden you realize just how good you get it, and you have a gratitude that you didn’t previously have.

24 is awesome if you can watch it with someone else, who has a proclivity for laughing at amazingly shitty stuff. You can revel in the awfulness of well…everything in it, and simultaneously thank the lords of Kobol that shit like LOST exists in this world.

As an aside, I’m itching for something else to augment my viewing schedule right now. Everything is on winter hiatus, and I’m having to settle for watching American Idol.

ass

Playing / Mass Effect 2, Assassin’s Creed II, Borderlands, Ratchet and Clank and fucking shit Bioshock 2 comes out tomorrow.

I’ve been playing Mass Effect 2 at a leisurely pace, and appreciating it all the more because of it. I blew through the first Mass Effect, and consequently my retention of it was somewhere between zilch and zero. Generally, I feel this pressing need to power through just to get it done, but I just wasn’t feeling that this time through. The game’s long. Way long. I’m twenty-eight hours in or so, and that is greater than my two playthroughs of the original Mass Effect combined, with a save file that even capped the characters.

In light of that though, I’m way backed up. Bioshock 2 is coming out tomorrow, and there is much sad time in my life because I won’t be able to grab it. Between Mass Effect 2, and my looming backlog, it just doesn’t make sense for me to Day-One it. Fraking fuck.

What are you guys up to in this wonderful week?

Monday Morning Commute: Kicking Ass While LOST in my Mass Erection

Monday, February 1st, 2010

THE WORD is strong with this one

Busy week. Tons of shit going on. LOST premiere. Playing Mass Effect 2. LOST premiere. Did I mention the LOST premiere? There’s the LOST premiere this week. I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I implore you to let me know what you’re up to this week, the countdown until Sunday, where we are treated to Corpulence and Advertisement night.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

THE CREW

Watching / LOST

Come on, you had to know what this was what I’m looking forward to. It’s been a long ass month, counting down to the LOST final season premiere. It has actually gone by slowly, but now that it is upon us, I can’t believe it. I don’t want it to end, but I’m looking forward to all the plot strings being tied together into some gorgeous knot. I’m sprung, ready to rock.

Behold, the Biotic Galaxy Spanning Thunder

Playing / Mass Effect 2

Yeah, redundant! Reeeeedundant. That’s what I am there days. All I want to blather about is LOST and Mass Effect 2. I’ve been rocking out with Shepard and her (yes, I’m playing as a chick) band of ass-whipping galaxy-saving motherfuckers since Tuesday. This game has me by the dong, and I can’t stop loving the tugging. I’m twelve-hours in, and I’m dragging my feet. I’m feeling the same way I used to feel when I played through a Final Fantasy: I don’t want this shit to end. I really don’t. I pledge to do everything, all the side-missions, scan all the planets, before I embark on my suicide run. It’s so god damn fantastic.

BLOOD AND THUNDER

Reading / Kick-Ass #8

I actually haven’t read this shit yet, but I want to. I know, I’m an asshole. I’ve been reading hundreds of pages of British Women’s Literature the past week, so cut me some fucking slack. I haven’t read any comic books in two weeks, and my backlog is beginning to multiple like diseased bodies in the aforementioned plague-riddled Britain.

It’s the final issue in the first storyline, and it is the basis for the movie, which I have a nerd-boner for, so I need to get with it. Pepsibones has splooged over it, and that’s more than enough for me to be excited. I mean, fuck, the cover itself is epic, “When Titans Pimp-Slap.” Win, win win!

Monday Morning Commute: Scaling Summits With Mass Erections

Monday, January 25th, 2010

Wai halo, gorgeous

It isn’t so much that I’m completely enamored with Zooey Deschanel, so much as the fact that when I look at her, her Indie Chick Goddess-ness burns a feeling of deep lack of worth in my soul. I want to write witty articles for a fansize to show her, and maybe pretend to listen to crappy bands who write about esoteric things and love. As opposed to my crappy esoteric bands that write about vikings and death.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide

Ass Fect 2

Playing / Mass Effect 2

In little over three hours I will be returning home with Mass Effect 2 in my sweaty, fanboy claws. I will be perspiring and hyperventilating, contemplating the enormity of the task ahead. Which is to try and play Mass Effect 2 until I am on the brink of death, then sleep for but a wink, go to school, and continue on with my march.

I can’t believe this shit is coming out. I hide away from previews, and reviews, and until I say some advertisements last week, I couldn’t believe that this title was so close to being in my dungeon, flung into my 360’s awaiting slit.

Canyons, and such.

Listening / Scale the Summit, Carving Desert Canyons

The first time I hard Scale the Summit, I was like what the hell is this nerd progressive instrumental bullshit. Then I kept listening to it. Then I was like, this shit is boring! Then I kept listening to it! Then I was like, man, I guess there’s nothing else worth listening to. Then I kept listening to it!

Scale the Summit seem pretty cool, if not a bit forgettable sometimes. They’re for geeks like me who dig impressive guitar work, odd time signatures, and have secretly masturbated to a picture of John Petrucci.

Douchebreakers

Watching / Daybreakers

I saw Daybreakers Saturday night, and as a fan of shitty movies, man was this movie a fucking turd. If you’re not completely exhausted with allegories vomiting about the exploitation of natural resources by fat lazy Americans from the Avatar phenomenon, this will definitely push you over the edge.

As I watched the movie, I tried to remember when I thought Ethan Hawke was cool, but it seems like a million years ago, in a different world. I kept thinking maybe Daybreakers could step it up and I’d be pleasantly surprised. Naw, kid. It’s filled with drivel, which I should have expected, shitty acting, which I should have expected, and no hot ass vampires, which I actually thought would be there.

What the fuck, Hawke! You gave me GATTACA. That movie was totally cool. Now you look bloated and run around shooting vampires.

A pox on you!

Monday Morning Commute: Cynical Ejaculation Over Sam Rockwell

Monday, January 18th, 2010

Now Double Your Money

I have nothing to say. I am awaiting the great deluge. The next couple of weeks see me starting graduate school, trying to pretend I have time for Mass Effect 2, while also spending time I don’t have playing Mass Effect 2. The grind of writing a daily thing about LOST is beginning to wear on me. If you’re ever considering writing about something everyday, for a month this is my suggestion: don’t. It isn’t like I hate it, but waking up knowing I have to rip something out of my ass that isn’t my finger is daunting.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide

The the Moon and Back

Watching / Moon

I had the distinct pleasure of watching Moon for the first time over the weekend. And for the second time. And I really, really enjoyed it. First, it pays homage to both Blade Runner and 2001, which are two movies I wank off to with a ferocity. It isn’t as good as either of them, but that has to be an unfair comparison. The entire movie hinges on Sam Rockwell’s ability to act really god damn well. I tried to figure out why I loved the movie so much, and I kept coming back to Rockwell’s performance. Without spoiling much, he is the centerpiece of the entire affair, and makes you care about a character you know almost nothing about. There doesn’t seem to be one central theme, though ideas of what defines a consciousness, corporate exploitation (I know, yawn), and the manipulation of technology in human affairs all rear their head.

Also, Clint Mansell’s score, is as usual, absolutely beautiful.

Oh Lightning

Playing / Final Fantasy XIII [ Japanese Demo]

Finally played the Japanese version of the Final Fantasy XIII demo. And? Yeah, I have no idea. It was utterly incomprehensible. From the battle system, which is awesome, and flashy, and uh, not to be introduced to in the middle of the game and in Japanese. To the plot, which I assume is non-existent in a demo, and even more so in Japanese.

The whole thing was a gorgeous, unintelligible experience. The visuals are intense, and the gameplay seems very fun. I’m a sucker for flair and for absurd sheen, and both the battle system and the visuals roar “Cool stylee, SON.”

If a demo’s purpose is to jack you up for the game, mission accomplished.

CYNICAL AND SHIT

Listening / Cynic, Traced In Air

I’m continuing on with my friend Bri’s recommendations. I am currently subscribed to the Brian Galiano Listening Gallery, and he has been pushing recommendations on to me. Cynic is a band that he has raved about around me for the better part of a year, and while he masturbates to their cover art, Pepsibones gave them a “Eh”, and my friend Dave gave them a “Shitburger Deluxe, Side of Ass.”

For better or worse, as a curious lad in all walks of life, from sexuality to music, I felt I had to give them a listen. If for nothing else, they’re playing with Between The Buried & Me and Devin Townsend next week, and that show is going to be uberrific.

My take on them? “Yeah, I uh guess.” I’ve spun the aforementioned CD a few times, and it sounds like the melodic parts of Opeth met some of Neal Morse’s junk and stuff. Don’t hate it, but could definitely live without it.

What are you ass-fondlers up to?

Monday Morning Commute: Shooting Terrorists, and Headphones

Monday, January 11th, 2010

Photog

[ source ]

Welcome to the suck! I am willing to trade in Bostonian pride these days for a warmer climate. If I have to clean off my car one more time, I’m going to lose my mind. I never understood why my parents hated the snow when I was going up. You see, snow back in the day just meant snow days. While my parents had to shovel out their cars and endure the elements, I just sat inside eating Chez-Its and playing fucking Toe Jam & Earl. Now I understand all too well. It is a barren wasteland this time of the year. Get me the fuck out!

Starting school in Boston in a couple of weeks from now is going to be glorious. I’m going to have chapped lips and rosy cheeks.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.
A legit scrum!
Playing / Final Fantasy XIII Demo, PS3

I’m not really playing the demo yet, but I want to! My friend Kate, who co-owns a message board with me, has mailed me her copy of the Japanese Final Fantasy XIII demo. The only problem is that it appears to be coming from Canada via carrier pigeon. Or cart and donkey. Whatever the case is, I’ve been staring at my mail box all day for the last couple of weeks.

My frothing demand for FFXIII has been steadily increasing with every week that passes. The closer I get to the actual release, the closer I’m getting to literal release. See what I did there? I’m putting behind my begrudging skepticism towards the game’s linearity and just getting ready to rock.

I still have a god damn shit load of games that I am sludging through, and I’m about to have an anxiety attack over the enormity of my back log. Ratchet and Clank, Assassin’s Creed II, Borderlands, please shut the fuck up. I’ll get to you. Around June.

Headphonez
Listening / Wale, Attention Deficit

Nothing really special going on in my music rotation right now. I’ve been jamming out to the Wale album. Not crazy about it. Sort of ‘eh’, but it passes time while I’m electronically penning slop. There’s a few gems in there, but none of the beats my booty rock too and fro that much. And if you know something about me, it is that my booty must sway too and fro.

Brooding Terrorist Shooterson
Watching / 24

The new season of 24 starts on Sunday, and I keep forgetting that I haven’t given a shit about 24 since 2002. I don’t know why. Every time a new season is starting, I get excited. What the fuck is wrong with me! Thankfully for 24, there is nothing on television that I give a fuck about. Glee, Flashforward, LOST, Dexter, Madmen? All on hiatus or season break. Most of my excitement for 24 comes from the fact that there is nothing on television right now.

24 is like a mediocre opening band for LOST. They have like three good songs, but by the middle of the set, you’re like, jesus christ, are they almost over? Same idea here with 24. I’m going to like the first five episodes, but by the eight episode, I’m going to be aching for LOST and the return to the Island.

Monday Morning Commute: Vikings Stabbing Smoke Monsters While Bayonetta Climaxes

Monday, January 4th, 2010

The Matrix Bends To His Will

Oh shit! I think I say “Oh shit!” so much that it has lost any impact on the reader. Sort of like all the other vulgarity I trot out these days. Sigh, I’m so derivative. Really, a pale-imitation of whatever true Ian hangs out in the Realm of Ideas with Socrates and Plato. Whatever, whatever! Tomorrow is my fucking birthday! And that means a few things. Firstly, I’m old as fuck. When I told The Girl Confused Enough to Date Me that I was weirded out at turning 27 back during the summer, she couldn’t contain her smile. She was laughing at my old, wrinkly balls. Yeah well, you’re stuck with them!

But more importantly, Bayonetta comes out tomorrow. I’m ready to climax! I’ve been plugging this thing forever. I was talking to Pepsibones, and I told him I had absolutely no idea what product I was going to champion to get fanboy and fangirl perverts from all over the internet to come to this watering hole. I’ll figure it out.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

Can you feel it, the expectancy?
Playing / Bayonetta, Xbox 360

Can you feel it, the expectancy? Of our deepest desires? Tomorrow baby, Bayonetta and I are hooking up. I’m going to take off all her wrappings, and slide her gently in. That’s right, I’m taking her! I’m going to take all she can give me, and aching with domination, ask for more. Ah, what a god damn birthday present. Kamiya is unleashing his uber-sexualized ferocity upon the undeserving masses tomorrow! My lights will be off, but I assure you the groans are not coming from me! They’re uh, coming from the surround speakers. CALLED MY MOUTH LOL. Yeah, that doesn’t make sense.

I’m plagued by sadness at the piling up unplayed titles sitting on top of consoles and strewn throughout my dungeon. I just started and loved Assassin’s Creed II, the latest Ratchet and Clank is unfinished, and I’ve barely touched Borderlands. But it’s fucking Bayonetta. I’ll get them someday. You know, after Bayonetta, and then fuck, Bioshock 2, and Mass Effect 2, and Final Fantasy XIII.

Oh boy
Watching / LOST

You may have realized that I’m going completely insane over the forthcoming, and final season, of LOST. And when I realized that I hadn’t watched some of the seasons in six fucking years, I came to the conclusion that I needed to brush up on some LOST lore. With the power of digital video disc and streaming Netflix instant queues, I’m going to run through the series in a completely non-linear, hypertexual manner. Leap frogging from episode to episode and season to season without a god damn care in the world. It almost seems appropriate, doesn’t it? For a show that has cut many a tooth on breaking conventional story telling mediums and capturing the medium through which we operate within society now. Hopping from website to unrelated website, curving back to prior ones. Non-linearity is linearity. Or something. I’m drunk.

Viking Core!
Listening / Amon Amarth, Fate of Norns

I remember seeing Amon Amarth at a Children of Bodom show a couple of years ago. I was completely rocked off of Red Bull and Vodka, and all I really remember is seeing an enormous dude who looked like Thor holding a viking horn. It seemed pretty bad ass, but the music and entire thing just seemed absurd.

I have no idea how I got onto the topic of Amon Amarth last night with my friend Brian, but he suggested I check them out. Then I called him an asshole, and he looked hurt. He continued insisting, and then I think I probably called him an asshole again. But somehow he won out, because he claimed he knew what sort of music I liked, and it was similar to his. It’s true – Brian knows me well. I’m pretty sure he’s seen my cock at some point, and he’s definitely been spooned by me during a trip to New York City last night. I was asleep when I curled up next to him, and don’t remember it, but I know he secretly enjoyed it. I’m a lover, what can I say.

So I took the album home, and I haven’t felt this guilty about liking something since I found myself giggling at Glee. Whatever. With songs like “The Pursuit of Vikings”, I’m inclined to appreciate Amon Amarth on at the very least, a hypothetical level. There are viking horns, enormous beards, and mead. Tons of mead.

THE HORN OF GONDOR

What are you fuckstains up to?