#Monday Morning Commute
“Runfer, what hell should we do? Runfer?!”
“Sorry, Harry! Goddamn crystal fragments in my eyes…gimme a readin’!”
“The lights’re blinkin’ red to blue to yellow.”
“Y’know what red to blue to yellow means?”
“Yeah, it means we’re down to two engines.”
“Right. And y’know what that means?”
“Other than the obvious?”
“It means that if we don’t muster up some serious elbow grease, there’s gonna be some serious blood on our hands.”
Runfer never thought he’d want to return to the job. Hell, who could blame him? Overseeing the engine room of Starforce One is a thankless nightmare. Everything’s perfect? No one notices. Anything’s wrong? Everyone notices.
And a situation like this? Engines blowing out? Smoke billowing all about? The very real possibility that the uncaring vacuum will tear the ship asunder?
The prospect is enough to prevent most men from ever even thinking about applying.
But Runfer wasn’t most men. He’d already retired. Twice. He’d already paid his dues, already done his duty, already decided he’d spend the rest of his days on a pleasure planet, getting rubdowns from his mistress. And nobody could’ve said shit.
So when Central Command called Runfer, desperate to replace the so-called prodigy whose chest pains got him medical’d less than a year into the gig, no one who knew him was surprised when he picked up the phone. And no one who’d worked with him was surprised when he was back aboard Starforce One the very next day.
`Cause some men will tell you that they just want to relax. They’ll jabber on about sleeping in late and drinking cocktails. They’ll declare fealty to Lord Relaxation. But when told there’re going to be fires to be put out and danger to run into, these goddamn maniacs lace up their boots and make room in their lungs for the smoke.
Two engines down, crystal shards cutting up his eyelids, and toxic fumes bathing over him, Runfer smiled the incorrigible smile of a goddamn maniac.
Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!
First, I toss a bit of drivel-fiction at you. Then, I show off what I’ll be doing throughout the week. Lastly, you hit up the comments section and share what you’ll be doing to survive the workweek.
You’ve either done this before or you’ll catch on quick — LET’S ROCK!
Hey friends! This begins one of my favorite stretches of the year. The Earth may be dark, yes. But, I’m spending this time of year blessedly sharing cozy rooms with too many calories, and loved ones. And, y’all are some of those loved ones as well! If the Space-Ship Omega is a small community, it’s certainly one that I count myself lucky to belong to. So, saddle-up next to the fire, and spend some time with me this week.
Here, at the Monday Morning Commute!
Tell me, what are you doing for Thanksgiving break?
Are you hitting the movies at all?
Using some (hopeful) time off to catch-up on some video games?
I want to know! I want to spend some time. The Earth is dark but the fire is warm, let’s hang out.
Man, there ain’t no fucking sun in the sky lately. And man, there ain’t no fucking warmth in the air. But, there sure are a lot of fucking papers to grade, a lot of classes to teach, and a lot of obligations to meet. Ah, ah yes. Why, it must be that time of the year. What time, you ask? Why, the time of the year where I feel ground down into a chunky paste, and slathered across the corporeal plane. However, I do not have the time to cease! Cause there’s so much goddamn wood to chop before I sleep for the semester.
How am I going to make it?
Why, by leaning on the various frivolities that bring me happiness. And, I’m wanting to tell you of the specific frivolities I’m enjoying this week! Do you want to hear, fair members of the Space-Ship Omega? I certainly fucking hope so!
How am I going to make it, also?
Why, by listening to the various frivolities you are enjoying this week! Please, I implore you. Meet me in the comments section, and let’s spend time time!
This is Monday Morning Commute.
Hey, fuckers! I’m here! I’m here. I promise, I’m here. Quickly penning a Monday Morning Commute before I have to lay down the facts in front of students in my 2pm class. These facts? That if they don’t pass in their papers, they’ll fail. Self-evident facts, but hey. The mind boggles at how many self-evident facts fail to resonate in the skull-pipes of the average folk.
Anyways, anyways. I’m a bit off topic. This here is Monday Morning Commute. The column that I post every week. Herein, you’ll find the various games, movies, sporting events, and other miscellany that I’m either enjoying or anticipating in order to get me through a given week. In particular, I’m about to list off all the things I’m enjoying, in an effort to forget that fucking fifty-percent of my students didn’t do their fourth paper.
Please join me in the comments section!
Yeehaw, motherfuckers! It’s another edition of Monday Morning Commute. Oh, you know! The column where I wank-off over what is titillating me on a given week. I’ll level with all you varmints! I’m attempting to churn this big ole pig out before teaching my 2pm class! Thus, if I’m hitting the column with some alacrity, it’s because I’d rather be terse than absent.
Let’s hang out in the comments, after I drop my list on ya’lls asses.
Hey, folks! What’s going on? It’s Monday? Again? That soon? Well, time don’t stop! And neither shall we! Until, of course, we do stop. The lightning, the electricity done. The metaphysical whatever-whatever either not existing, or taking over. Man, this got away from me quickly. Where was I? Oh yeah! It’s time for Monday Morning Commute. The weekly wank-off where we all gather, sharing what is getting us through yet another week on the Blue Marble.
What are you fucks up to this week, as you suck air? What are you folks looking forward to this week, as your synapses still sizzle?
I wanna know!
Oh, you thought you had seen the last of me? You know, me. Not the cavalcade of memes and occasional pop culture bursts that I post. Rather, the man-behind-the-man-behind-the-man?
Or, maybe I’m just bleeding banality and self-importance into a WordPress document for the ninth-year running.
Or, maybe you’re an OL regular who just sort of expected me to return when I found a moment in the existential rip tide. You know, a moment where I can stick my head briefly above water. A moment where I can share what I’m up to in this weird wild world.
Well, that moment is now, my friends! And, I must confess that I’m pushing through considerable fatigue to puke this up quick! This Monday Morning Commute! The weekly column where I share the arts and farts I’m currently enjoying. Or anticipating. I hope you’ll join me in the comments section, letting me know what you’re up to this week!
Bet you thought you had seen the last of me, fuckers! It’s been a hot minute since I cranked out one of these Monday Morning Commute columns. I’ve returned, though. Full of vim and vigor, ready to golly gee knock this one right out of the fucking park! The fahhhkin’ pahk, kehd! Actually, that’s a handful of goose shit. In fact, I was laying on the futon in my office nary two hours ago just fucking zoning out, man. But here we are.
I’m still sucking wind, thankfully. My summer course is winding down, thankfully. And, OL still exists. Thus, it seems clear that I must carry out the car-crash that is the column! Give you folks, you fucks, the ole rundown of what I’m up to this week. You know, the games I’m playing. You know, the books I’m reading. That sort of tomfoolery.
Then, if you’d be so obliged, join me in the comments section! Tell me, what you’re cranking it to this week. Be it literally, be it figuratively! Both!
I’ll go first.
“There’s no escape velocity.”
Arnie’d just spent the last seven months workin’ on the Plutonian big rigs. Five moons, five drills, five crews. Zero contact, zero support, zero fucks given. Dangerous math no matter how it’s calculated.
But he’d just done it — a seven month tour of duty, a seven month tour de force, that’d seen plenty of limbs and lives and love lost — and now it was over. Arnie’d fattened his bank account and his calluses and his belief that he was far from the baddest motherfucker in the solar system but he just might be one of the scrappiest.
A blessing and a curse.
`Cause when we see him right now, Arnie’s two feet are firmly planted on terra firma. He’s at his father-in-law’s annual Fourth of July barbecue. And he’s surrounded by friends and family and the afterglow of a job well done. Sparklers dancing through the purple dusk and laughter cutting through the cooling silence.
But he’s not really there at all.
`Cause when we see him right now, Arnie’s eyes are gazing towards the heavens that give him hell, towards the stars that brighten the sky and pierce the spirit. Towards the next mission that he’ll have to run because, well, if not him…who?
So when we see Arnie in this moment, he’s respondin’ to his wife Lola who’s askin’ him what he’s doin’ here all alone and why he’s so quiet and what he’s thinkin’ about. And, for the life of him, Arnie’s only got one response.
“There’s no escape velocity.”
Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!
This is the weekly(ish) feature that sees me throwing some drivel fiction in the general direction of anyone who’s willing to catch it. Then, I present some of the stuff I’ll be checking out this week. But wait! There’s more!
The best part is when you hit up the comments section and share what you’ll be doing this week.
So let’s play show and tell!
Pop-quiz, dick heads! What does a tranquil, peaceful weekend mean, after a tumultuous spring? Does it mean that I’m feeling good about my mental health? Or, does it mean I’m incredibly skeptical, and wondering when the shoe will drop? If you guessed the former, you are beautiful and give me too much credit. Anyways, yeah! I feel good. It’s nice. It’s fleeting, oh I’m sure, but it’s nice. Thankfully, I have a good amount I’m either enjoying or going to be enjoying this week, and I’m about to drop them on your ass. After all, that’s the very point of this here Monday Morning Commute. Then, I hope you’ll share your own haunts and happenings in the comments section!