Monday Morning Commute: Ancient World Cliterature

June 4th, 2012 by Rendar Frankenstein

All hands on deck!

It appears that Spaceship Omega has inadvertently veered off course. Somehow, perhaps because Navigator Burton fell asleep after drinking too many Pepsi-and-gasoline cocktails, we have slipped into a pocket of spacetime usually avoided at all costs. That’s right, folks, batten down the hatches and brace yourselves! We’re headed right for it!

The beginning of the workweek!

As wave after wave of ennui, minutiae, and stress wash over us, we can rest assured. For every passenger of Spaceship Omega has a spot in the refuge known as the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! What is this sanctuary, you ask? Well, this is where I take the time to show you the various bits of entertainment and mind-drivel I’ll be using to survive the onslaught of real-world responsibilities. Then, you hit up the comments section and tell us which floatation device you’ll be clinging to when your ass is tossed into the Ocean of Obligation.

Yes, beneath the half-baked metaphors and bleeding-heart-on-my-sleeve hyperbole, it’s folks tryin’ to point one another in the direction of cool shit.

Oh no! Another wave! Let’s do this!

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Modestep – Show Me a Sign

March 27th, 2012 by Sneaky Pete

modestep

What if Kill Bill and Charlie’s Angels made sweet love, produced an ADHD offspring addicted to filthy dubstep? The result is these 4 chicas on a mission to destroy the music industry, ala Modestep. Watch the death spawn after the jump…
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Vader Force Chokes the Hot Chick From CAPRICA

July 20th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

One of the best things about the short-lived BSG spinoff Caprica was Alessandra Torresani. Not that she’ll be nominated for an Emmy anytime soon, but she is really hot. And don’t worry guys, I checked. She only looks 16. She’s actually 24! *looks round for the high five*

Since the fall of Caprica (ha-yuck) Torresani has been canoodling around half-naked in various shoots with photographer Tyler Shields. Their latest collaboration is a video in which Torresani recalls her doomed relationship with Darth Vader. It’s not really funny, but she does lick Vader’s helmet at one point. I’d watch Torresani do anything. If someone filmed her doing her taxes I’d watch it. Check out the video after the jump. I’ve included a bonus video of Torresani licking a giant lollipop coming out of a man’s crotch. I love this chick.

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Boobs, Yankee Doodle, And A Sick Car.

January 27th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

The following video is a test. If you’re a regular to OL, it will make perfect sense. If you’ve stumbled upon this den of horror, it will scar you.

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Natalie Portman Is Topless; Smells Great

January 12th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

Natalie Portman is pregnant and engaged to some choreographer. But before she transforms into a fat housewife she was nice enough to pose topless for this Miss Dior perfume ad. Consider this the final testament of how awesome she used to be. I guess Harvard doesn’t teach you that kids ruin everything.

This Is Way Nicer Than My Twilight Tattoo

January 6th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

Some old lady in Britain dropped 14 dress sizes and decided to celebrate in the most logical way imaginable: getting an enormously creepy Twilight back piece. So basically she has a mural of teen virgins on her wrinkly back. Fucking brilliant!

But this lunatic instead done. No. From the DailyWhat:

She plans on covering the rest of her body with Twilight tats, starting with her arms: “There are still a few bits to do. I am going to get my arms done before my 50th birthday in summer. I love Robert Pattinson. I want to tone up so I can get his character Edward Cullen on my stomach.”

You do that, you fuck. Flip the script for a second. What if a 49 year-old man got a huge tattoo of Miley Cyrus or one of those other tween douchebags? He’d be called a pervert.

This old lady is a pervert. Case closed.

It’s Pretty Much Destiny.

November 5th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered
In a moment of random absurdity, I typed in “INSANE LEOPARD”, and Google showed me a picture of Katy Perry. I’m not saying the two of us are meant to be. But the two of us are meant to be.

Kristen Bell, Just Because.

September 5th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered

Why not, right?

Scarlett Johansson As Black Widow Makes My Unmentionable Vomit

April 26th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered

Scarlett Johansson - Curves Like Wut.

[via popoholic]

It’s not fair.

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Christina Hendricks Is In Esquire; Put Down The Tarp And Check It Out

April 19th, 2010 by Caffeine Powered

Christina Hendricks : Lord Have Mercy

[via egotastic]

I love Christina Hendricks. A lot. It’s well documented. So when glancing at these pictures from Esquire, I can feel so much blood shifting in my body that I near collapse, only to rally to the point of consciousness, and become acutely aware of an inexplicable, unrelenting, indescribable pain in my groin.

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