#Featured Articles

Weekend Open Bar: Some of that old school buddy cop action, dude

weekend open bar buddy cop type action

What’s up, fellow denizens of the Space-Ship Omega? How are you doing? I’m aiight, kicking it. I’m aiight, sluggishly tumbling headfirst into the final weekend of the semester. Tumbling, tumbling, tumbling. Skull-meat’s synapses barely firing, as my thickened blood fails to pump all that well.

But, I’m blessed enough to have the weekend off.

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Desktop Thursdays: The Oasis From The Stasis

desktop thursdays the oasis from the stasis

It’s Desktop Thursday, my dudes! The blog installment where I puke up some putrid portrayals of my tangible and intangible existence. Additionally, it’s the weekly invitation, nay, challenge to show me your world! Splay your existence across the comments section. Write large your own banality, buffoonery, benevolence! ‘Cause community is all we got in this hardened, coarsened, spiraling madness of a world. Let this community, this commune, this gathering aboard the Space-Ship Omega be your oasis from the stasis that is modernity.

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‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ Circle Jerk: Your Hopes, Dreams, Fears, and Potential Cinematic Bowel Movements

the last jedi discussion thread

Quickly, quickly now. The vapors are hitting me as I walk down this long hallway. I don’t have much time, much time until they reach me. You know them, the ones with the grease-slicked pincers. You know them, the ones with the hollow eyes and bloated bellies. Oh, they won’t let me talk once they find me.

And today, friends, I have to talk to you about something incredibly important. The Last Jedi.

Why, why must I talk? For, as the date nears, as the dawns burn into evenings burn into fallen pages off a calendar, the reality has begun to set-in.

What, what reality do I speak of?

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SNES Saturdays #6 – The Terrorist Known As Super Mario

Last weekend’s stream is up, my dudes. We spend the time talking about the terrorist known as Super Mario. Imagining the terror that would be getting blasted with diarrhea while eating ass, and other garbage. All the while hunting secret levels in Super Mario World.

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Monday Morning Commute: Bro, that is bad ass

monday morning commute bro that is bad ass

Monday Morning Commuteon a fucking Monday? Up is down! Left is right! The Earth is saved, humanity operates on a higher than base, cruel level, and the Eagles are winning the Super Bowl!

Nothing makes sense, friends! Nothing! But, here we are anyways.

Nothing makes sense, friends! Nothing! But, when has it ever, anyways?

I hope you’re doing fantastic. May your sexual glands be drained, your cups full of your beverage of choice, and your stomach stocked with your preferred form of caloric corpulence.

This right here is the aforementioned Monday. Morning. Commute! The weekly wank-off session where I tell you all the things helping me get through this particular work week. Then! Oh, then! Just as importantly, I hope you’ll share what you’re up to in the comments.

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SNES Saturdays #5 – Hail Brahquaman, Who Never Shot Blanks

LATEST stream is up. Join us as we talk about the terrifying sublimity that is ejaculating for the first time, thrash on the dumpster juice that is Justice League, and finally finish Donkey Kong Country.

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Monday Morning Commute: It’s Just A Fountain Soda, Who Cares?

monday morning commute you saw nothing

Reentry into reality sucks, today. My bowels are still building seriously slippery turds. My sleep schedule is fucked. My brain is staggering around, attempting to figure out how to imbue in students a sense of urgency and discipline that I myself don’t have. But, what can I do? Knuckle up, hunker down, and bang out the rest of the semester.

What can, oh whatever can get me through this week? The rest of the semester? Why, a multitude of things! Why, a multitude of things, condensed into two.

First, the various distractions, distinctions, and arts and farts I’m about to list below!

After all, that’s the whole point of Monday Morning Commute. To share you’re looking forward to this week.

Second, your happenings this week, in the comments section!

After all, that’s the whole point of Monday Morning Commute. To share you’re looking forward to this week.

Without further ado, adieu, to the preamble.

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Weekend Open Bar: Live Fat! Die Full! It’s The Only Way!

weekend open bar live fat die full

Hello, friends! It’s Weekend Open Bar! Pull a chair up to the hearth. Summon your favorite chemicals from the servo-droid behind the counter. Pop off your pants, oh, I know, they’re a bit tight from this week’s corpulence. And relax! Just straight-up fucking relax with me. Your co-host, your champion, your spirit-guide. Let us move together through a miasma of revelry, consumption, contemplation, and companionship.

What are you up to this weekend, comrades? Shoving any old ladies out of the way for a discounted blender at TarMart? Catching up on any stories on the TeleVisor? Trying to rationalize the utter depravity that is your diet these past few days?

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Monday Morning Commute: A Holiday Special On Ennui!

monday morning commute a holiday special on ennui

How’s it going, folks? Are you segueing into Corpulence Season well? You must prepare to fulfill your duty as a member of the Empire!

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

Hail, Hail, Hail!

Toe the line! Nay, stand in line! You must be checking out mentally while checking out virtually, physically! The form doesn’t matter, only the consumption! The filling and emptying of stomachs, shopping carts, bank accounts, guts, shelves, savings.

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

That’s a negative spin on the whole ordeal, isn’t it?

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SNES Saturdays #4 – Bateman Used To Bang Pillows

So like yeah, Bateman confesses to banging pillows when he was an adolescent. We also, you know, suck. And if that isn’t enough, we contemplate the disgusting nature of Donkey Kong’s Candy Kong, and other such garbage.

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