#Monday Morning Commute
Ain’t no commuting for me, today! Remember how last Friday I mentioned that I called an audible and opted-out of commuting in the fucking snow? Well — today — the UniversityCzars saw fit to pull the plug on the school day. I don’t know if it has anything to do (I imagine it doesn’t, but it’s hilarious to track the students’ apoplexy on the social media platform) with the countless caterwauling of students towards them on Twitter for not cancelling Friday, but the school did it. No school. No commute. Just me, my unwashed ass, and the dim glow of the ForeverBox pumping in the EndlessEchoChamberof(Non)News and Banality. Maybe a dog walk (or two). Relaxing. Wife’s home, too. I’ll take these Circumstances.
However! Just because I ain’t commuting today, don’t mean that I don’t have to share with you what I’m up to this week! So this is still Monday Morning Commute!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This ain’t Monday Morning Commute. It’s Tuesday Morning Commute, and I’m barely goddamn sorry! Nothing like hitting the workweek hard to remind you of your own entropic plummet towards oblivion. Days like yesterday remind me of one of my favorite passages from Palahniuk’s Survivor, “Time is running out. There isn’t the kind of energy you used to have. You start to slow down. You start to give in” (263). Maybe five years ago, I have a busy day of work, I come home. Churn out thirteen articles for the next two days, jack off three times, eat dinner, jack off three more times, and play seven hours of Mass Effect.
These days? I come home, kiss my wife on the head, throw my backpack to the ground, put on sweatpants, and watch Jeopardy.
Hello SlimeLords, you slithering salacious rot-souls. Clamber into my compartment aboard the Space-Ship Omega and lend me your ocular-meat. I’m going to describe to you the various things I’m looking forward to this week. What is on my mind. What is on your mind! I have telepathy! And caffeine! And telepathy! And a hearty desire to regal your loved ones with falsified tales from your unfortified mouths! Telepathy!
How are you folks doing? Man — it’s been a minute since I sat down at my computer. Or, I suppose, sat my laptop down upon me. Spent the weekend hanging out with friends, slinging insane amounts of caffeine into my veins. Watching grown men throw balls into the air while I bark at them nonsensically. Imbuing the frivolities with so much importance, way too much importance, playing right into the distractionary hands of The Powers That Be.
But hey. It’s with friends. There are probably worse ways to spend the weekend than eating too much, farting too much, laughing too much, and the such, right? Even if the macguffin is SportEvent.
Anyways — now that I am at my computer, I shall compose this. Monday Morning Commute!
It’s another edition of Monday Morning Commute, folks. Borne up out of the primordial sludge that are my synapses. Rotted neuro-wires shooting electricity aimlessly across the hollowed-dome of my brain-piece. My poor taste strained through the rotting diaper filled with the refuse of a consumed Elder One’s husk.
It’s 2016! And if I’m not mistaken, this is my first post of the NuYear. I’m just fucking lazy these days, man. Or perhaps I’m just more prone to spending whatever free time I can with my wife, friends, and family. So I took the weekend off! Sue me! But I’m here, now. In the NuYear, with the NuMe!
This is Monday Morning Commute. The weekly column where we all get together and share what we’re up to during a given week. The books we are reading, the movies we are watching, the food we are eating.
It’s Monday Morning Commute! A particularly sexy one, falling in the liminal state that exists after Christmas Eve and before the New Year. No one wants to work (I did work today, though), everyone is mentally checked out, and a good amount of us are enjoying the arts. Be it materials gifted (video games, books, movies) or showings to be attended (for me its Hateful Eight, maybe a fifth showing of The Force Awakens), this time of year always strikes me as particularly hedonistic. Anyways, what are you looking forward to this week? What are you doing for NYE? What movies are you seeing? What music are you listening to? Let me know in the comments!
But first, here is what I’m up to this week!
Oh shit! I’ve been gone for a minute. Went deep, deep into a Star Wars-induced blackout last week. Then every time I began to peak my head out, someone wanted to know: what did I think, how did I feel, was it as good as the originals? (c’mon now!), how many times have you seen it? (three!), how many times do you want to see it? (seven, at least), when are you seeing it again? (tonight, by myself!) did it meet your expectations (my logical ones, not my emotional ones), on and on. And I realized, in that moment, that I really just wanted to digest the entire thing by myself. Or rather, not on the internet. Writ large.
But I’m back! This is Tuesday Afternoon Commute! Semester break finally begins for me, today. And it’s mere days until Christmas. So let’s hang out. What’s on your mind, what’s on your plate this week?
It’s time, folks. The Force is almost upon us. And after waiting for years for this Grand Revival to arrive, a surreal feeling of serenity has struck me. This desired event is so soon that it borders on incomprehensible. It has devolved out of an Upcoming Event and into some Abstract Potentiality that I cannot come to grips with. In a little over three days, on Thursday at 7pm, I’m going to be experiencing a new Star Wars.
This is Monday Morning Commute. Where I share what I’m looking forward to during a given week, and then you return in kind with your own happenings. This week is obvious: The Force Awakens and Everything Else. But fuck, I’ll list all of my anticipations for you.
Monday Morning Commute! And today, I commuted, on this Monday, as I began the last full week of the semester! I shake my fist at our Martian OverLord, Obliteratus. I shake my fist at him, and his promise to deliver us to his Mistress, Entropy. Someday! Sure! But for this week, I shall celebrate. The ending semester! The upcoming break!