CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

March 2nd, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

Hey guys. By now I hope you’ve all seen Drive Angry and given Nic Cage some much needed money. After having such high hopes, I was less than impressed with it. For someone who thinks 3D is corny, I thought the 3D in Drive Angry is the main reason to see it in theaters. It was really well done. But other than that, meh.

Another slow news week in the Cage universe. Now that Drive Angry is behind us, I’m so ready for the Ghost Rider 2 hype to hit full throttle. Some words from Cage on that sequel/reimagining below. Also a pretty girl has joined the cast of Simon West’s Medallion. Thank god!

Malin Akerman Joins the Cast of Medallion

Con Air director Simon West’s Taken-ish thriller Medallion has found its leading lady in the moderately attractive Malin Akerman. She’s been on Entourage and was the Silk Spectre in some movie called Watchmen. Malin is playing a crook and former lover of Cage who aids him in recovering his daughter from the back of a medallion taxi cab. I hope Cage kisses her. (via /Film)

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Drive Angry Almost Makes It to the Finish Line

February 25th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper


Drive Angry isn’t the movie Nic Cage devotees have been waiting for. It’s not a return to his genius form last seen in 2009′s Bad Lieutenant. He talks through his teeth and snarls a lot, but there are a lot of actors who can snarl better than Cage. It appears he’s trying to act cool, while it was probably his manic genius that got him offered the role in the first place. With that said, Drive Angry is still great in the expected ways a ridiculous b-movie should be. Oodles of blondes, bullets, and blood. But, sadly, having all the ingredients to a bitchin’ movie doesn’t mean it’s going to come out right.

Cage plays Milton (how subtle), a hardass who looks like a chewed up piece of gristle with a blonde wig on. Milton escapes from hell to avenge his daughter’s death and to save his granddaughter from a satanic cult. Sounds like a conflict of interest, but Drive Angry refuses to be bogged down by trite things like exposition. While Milton is pursuing the satanic cult and their Elvis-like leader Jonah King (Billy Burke), he’s accompanied by Piper (Amber Heard) – a firecacker with a mean right hook and a foul mouth. All the while, an unstoppable force calling himself the Accountant is out to drag Milton back to hell.

It’s William Fichtner, as the Accountant, who steals every scene in Drive Angry. He pulls off homicidal cool so convincingly while simultaneously looking uncomfortable in human skin. He’s got the funniest lines, the best kills, and a power tie that screams confidence. Amber Heard is…well, hot. That’s all she needs to be in this movie. B-movie legend Tom “Thrill Me” Atkins makes a great appearance as the police captain. But then there’s Cage.

Through the whole hour and 40 minutes I was asking WHY is Cage playing it so cool?! You escaped from Hell and you’re armed with a gun called “The God Killer” – be manic and jittery and scream a lot! I think he was going for Clint Eastwood or John Wayne redemption reaper. He’s just boring.

The 3D is put to good use. Meaning lots of limbs and bullets flying towards the screen. There’s not a boring moment and the frequent action sequences are done really well. Surprisingly, there’s not a lot of car chasing going on in Drive Angry. Shoot outs, brawls, and shoot outs while fucking and chugging Jack Daniels make up the action here.

If all the elements are there, how did filmmakers Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer (My Bloody Valentine 3D) end up delivering a flaccid movie? They obviously know what makes grindhouse flicks so entertaining, but just throwing the ingredients into the same movie doesn’t automatically make a good movie. Story and characters to root for are essential too. Can’t blame them for trying though.

This review originally appeared on the Mishka Bloglin.

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CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

February 17th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

And you thought last week was slow. With Drive Angry 3D one week away, we’re hitting some sloooow news pockets here at Cage Match. Hopefully things pick up – I’m sure there will be a slew of interviews and such for DA next week. I’ll be interviewing him in my miiiiiind.

But I never come to Cage Match empty handed, folks. I suppose I would have this week if it wasn’t for my beautiful and talent fiance. For Valentine’s Day, she painted me the above homage to Bad Lieutenant. This is the greatest VD gift ever and is now proudly hanging in Cage Match Headquarters.

Prepare your minds and assholes next week for the OL Drive Angry Circle Jerk! Or just my review, whatevs.

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CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

February 9th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

Can you hear those crickets chirping, mon ami? That’s how slow of a news work it was in the world of Cage. He didn’t buy anything or yell at anyone on the street! WTF!?

To make clicking “Read the rest of the entry” worth your while, I had to do something I’ve been avoiding since Cage Match began: write about The Croods. Never heard of it? That’s cool, I wish I never did. Well, let’s (begrudgingly) do this.

Drive Angry 3D Red Band Trailer; Oh Hell Yes

My goal in life used to be “beat Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.” Now it’s “stay alive long enough to see Drive Angry.” The tongue-in-cheek red band trailer was released earlier this week and it features so, so many awesome clips. From Amber Heard punching a topless girl in the face to severed limbs to Cage sneering at everything (IN 3D), this is why red band trailers exist, folks. This is gearing up to be the exploitation flick of the year and I’m moderately excited *flips over coffee table, punches out all the windows in the house*

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CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

February 2nd, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

Ok, you mugs. Welcome to another round of Cage Match, the internet’s all-nude column devoted entirely to Nicolas Kim Coppola. Oh, you didn’t know that is the original name of Nic Cage? Then you’re not reading Cage Match enough, idiot.

This week have news about Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Drive Angry, and Cage’s meeting with a diplomat. Also, Nic Cage pinball, the lowdown on Cage’s intense role research for Leaving Las Vegas, and a weak bit from Conan O’Brien. Let’s do this.

Baffling Turkish News Report on the Set of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and Plot Synopsis Revealed

Harry from AintItCoolNews posted this really bizarre video from a Turkish news broadcast that contains some footage from the set of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. It’s a lot of Cage climbing on rocks and Zorro doing front flips. WUT? I couldn’t figure out how to embed it so you’ll have to click on the AintItCool link above to watch it. Whoops!

In more exciting and comprehensible news, the heads at ComicBookMovie found the sales synopsis for Ghost Rider. I don’t know nuthin about Ghost Rider’s mythos but it sounds awesome to me: Get pumped.

“It has been several years since making a deal with the Devil and Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage), living in self-imposed isolation, finds himself as the only person who can help save 10-year-old Danny — and ultimately the world — thanks to his unwanted and uncontrollable power — his ability to transform into the hell-on-wheels monster known as The Ghost Rider”

Get pumped.

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CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

January 26th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

Welcome back, suckers, to the only column in the universe that wraps up all of the important Nicolas Cage news of the week. Besides news, we’re also continuing our series of videos from OOP Cage films you probably haven’t seen. Two weeks ago we brought you inside Cage’s mansion with The Cage of Nicholas and last week we dropped a clip from the rare gem Time to Kill. This week we’ve got a real treat: Cage’s brief but amazing cameo from the Adam Rifkin’s 1988 comedy Never on Tuesday. In my opinion it’s as baffling and memorable as his Eddie character from Deadfall.

Not too a lot of news this week but there is a titillating sequel rumor has surfaced that is sure to make your trousers tight. Also more on the upcoming Medallion and Ghost Rider 2. I’m a little tired, little wired, and I think I deserve a little appreciation! Let’s do this!

Cage’s Bizarre Cameo in Never on Tuesday

Never on Tuesday is a road trip boner comedy directed by cult director Adam Rifkin (The Invisible Maniac, Detroit Rock City). Andrew Lauer and Peter Berg (of Friday NIght Lights fame) play the lead hornballs, but sprinkled throughout the movie are brief cameos by big name actors including Cage, Charlie Sheen, Cary Elwes, and Judd Nelson. About 11 minutes into the film Cage, credited as “Man in Red Sports Car,” makes his appearance. It’s really…well, Cage-like. I threw the above clip on YouTube because the world needs to see this very important moment in our favorite actor’s career. Enjoy!

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CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

January 19th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

Hello everyone, welcome back. You look terrific. After getting over the bummer of Season of the Witch, we can finally kick back and be excited about Drive Angry 3D. A new image and totally NSFW clip was released this week – enough to wet our appetites for the film’s February 25 release date.

We’ve also got an exclusive clip from the rarely seen Time to Kill. Seriously there was no clips on YouTube from this Cage gem until I put one on last night. In the mix as well is an awesome homage to Cage’s diverse hair styles, a thought-provoking interview with the Times of India, some painful news from the Ghost Rider 2 set, a Netflix recommendation, and whimsical music video. So much stuff! Let’s do this.

Cage Is a Bad Influence on Iguanas

Time to Kill (Tempo di uccidere) is a 1989 film written and directed by Giuliano Montaldo. Cage plays a soldier in the Italian Army as they invade Ethiopia in 1936. He leaves camp because he has a toothache and this choice sets off a string of cosmic incidents. One of these incidents is coming across an iguana (Bad Lieutenant foreshadowing???) and putting a cigarette in its mouth. Iguanas must be Cage’s spirit animal.

The movie is OOP and not that great. It’s actually really dull and the scene above (that I so selflessly put on YouTube last night) is the best part. BUT every Cage film is important. You know this is true. So if you get a chance, see it. Used VHS copies are dirt cheap on Amazon.

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CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

January 12th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAGE! Yes, the world’s greatest actor turned 47 last Friday, which also happened to be Season of the Witch‘s opening day. Cage had this to say about the combination birthday/premiere:

“I’ve never had a movie open on my birthday before. We’ll see what the movie gods wanna do about it.” (via)

Well *ahem* the movie gods must have been sleeping because SotW got shit reviews (including from me). January is always a dismal month for movies. It’s when studios infamously dump out the leftover projects after awards season is over. But I have a very good feeling about next month’s Drive Angry. VERY good.

So besides bumming on SotW, it’s an exciting week at Cage Match. Yesterday I posted a video on YouTube that was currently unavailable. It’s some rare shit and Devin at BadAss Digest first posted yesterday. I hope you all get a kick out of it. I did. We also get the dish on why Michel Gondry is a moron and a chance to revisit Christoper Coppola’s classic Deadfall on Netflix. Let’s go!

Season of the Witch Is a Silly, Silly Movie; Inspires a Lousy Critic

The long awaited release of SotW came over the weekend. It made a noble $11 million but garnered truly abysmal reviews   – including our very own. It currently has a 5% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and while cruising some of its bad press, I discovered a critic who may possibly be six-years-old. Seriously:

This is the puffy-faced Nic Cage.  The one who fights for Christ and Little Debbies and not necessarily in that order. (Editor’s note – WTF does this mean?)

Before the opening credits roll, it’s clear that Season of the Witch should have been called Season of the Which Way out of this Theater?

“I wish I had that big red fist from Hellboy now,” said Perlman.  ”But I left it up  Guillermo del Toro’s ass.”

His entire “review” is made up of zingers like the ones above. You’ll laugh until it HURTS!

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CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

January 5th, 2011 by Patrick Cooper

Welcome to the first Cage Match of 2011, dear readers. Last week we posted two days late due to the holidays and stomach flu, but the tides of Nicolas are now calm and we’re back on schedule. If I look like I’m glowing this week, it’s because Season of the Witch comes out this Friday! I haven’t experienced Cage on the big screen since his turn as Big Daddy in Kick Ass, so I’m stoked. January releases almost certainly suck, but I love Cage and the Black Death so look for my review on Friday!

The majority of the news this week concerns Season of the Witch, but being a Cage bloodhound I managed to find some other nuggets, including the streaming of a forgotten Cage gem on Netflix. Let’s do this damn thing.

AP Talks Season of the Witch With Cage; His Horse’s Name Was Dali

Cage recently sat down with AP and talked about some of his horse training for Season of the Witch. Just like his during his interviews for Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Cage says that he’s been waiting to play this role since he was a boy. First he dreamed of shooting plasma out of his hands now he says he dreamed of being a knight. I kid, I bet he did.

Cage makes it point to say that his horse on Season of the Witch was named Dali, like Salvador. Because when he first said it I thought “Dolly” which is the name of his right testicle. Only hardcore fans know that.

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CAGE MATCH: The Week in Nic Cage

December 31st, 2010 by Patrick Cooper

Take off your shoes and step into the Cage. We’re coming at you a couple days late this week. Partly because of the holidays, partly because I had a large writing order to fill for another site. In all honesty, I had a debilitating stomach virus Tuesday-Wednesday that had me living in a bathroom and surviving off of saltines. It was most heinous. But we’re back with the final Cage Match before 2011. Thank you for taking this trip with us, you swine.

I wish there was more news to spill into your laps this week, dear readers. But after his outburst in Bucharest, it seems Cage is laying low and keeping his real life activities limited to buying Marvel action figures. Wait…that’s awesome! Let’s go!

Cage Scoops Up Some Marvel Figures in Weston

On Monday, The Weston Mercury reported that Nic took advantage of those sweet after-Christmas sales by picking up some Marvel action figures at Lloyds Toys and Models. Man, that image in my head is so so awesome. I bet they’re not even for his son, aptly named Weston. He probably won’t even let Weston look at them.

Cage was also seen shopping at a couple cell phone stores. But I know what that’s all about. You hit a certain age and you have to balance out action figure purchases with “adult” purchases. For every R2D2 I buy I balance it out with a shower curtain or bird seed. I hear ya, Cage.

The above picture is from when Cage lit the Christmas lights in Bath. I just really like it.

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