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OL Store: Celebrate the Post-Apocalypse with these gnarly t-shirts.

January 10th, 2013 by Caffeine Powered

Hello friends! The White Guy Interpretation of the Mayan Apocalypse has passed. Christmas is over. Your wallet is bleeding all over your crotch, and no matter how many styptic pencils you apply nothing avails. Give into your vaporized bank account and snag one of our new t-shirts. You know you want to. You don’t know? Well shit, do it for me. I have gauze on my groin, and I could use the financial help. Hit the jump to check them out, then if you’re inclined buy them in the OL Store.

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What would Patrick Bateman do?
Some wimpy academics think that Patrick Bateman is the manifestation of the Jungian Death Drive. Others like yours truly think he is a manifestation of unhinged capitalism in Reagan-era America. What we call agree on is that there were few things he liked doing more than dancing in the gooey bits of former humans and dancing in the blood of the deceased. To Huey Lewis and the News. Buy this t-shirt and celebrate the notion that there is no situation that can’t be solved by putting a chainsaw through its writhing, screaming throat.

Is your schwartz as big as mine?

You tell yourself it doesn’t matter. After all, you can access both the upside and the downside. But when a Druish princess is about to give you some great helmet, that nagging question is going to reappear at the forefront of your mind. It’s a question of character, of manhood, of classic parodies:Is your schwartz as big as mine?

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Light Gun Eastwood
That goddamn dog is laughing at you. He saw you miss those birds. Again. And try as you might, there isn’t a way to blast that pixelated mutt into smithereens, proving that not all dogs go to heaven. At least, that’s how it seems until you see him. 8-Bit Blondie. The Man with No Console. Light Gun Eastwood.

The Daily Planet Hires Illegal Aliens
Listen, we’re not dicks. We’re not. We just have a problem with the idea that the Daily Planet is actively employing illegal aliens. From space. Now, don’t go rambling about how illegal aliens are actually a boon on the economy. That they do work that you and I don’t want to. This son of a bitch is from Krypton, and he can punch the jaw off a linebacker if he gets a bit pissy. Politics are thrown out of the window when the alien is from a different planet, and could vaporize someone over a missed deadline. This t-shirt is the shirt your Tea Party friends can wear in earnest, and wonky liberals can wear with a wink and a smile.

 

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