Thanks to the work of most of the OL community, I walked out of Prometheus yesterday not nearly as disappointed as I probably should have. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t like. I would probably watch it again if it was on TV or at a friend hosted movie night. I won’t go out of my way to see it however. That train of thought got me thinking though. A while back I posted a High 5 that involved movies that other people like and I hated. What about the movies I love but know suck? Well, here they are. Feel free to add your own, or make fun of me for liking these shit stains on celluloid.
Jumper is a movie based off the book of the same name by Steven Gould. However since the movie and the book share almost nothing in common it could very well be based off of the Joy Luck Club. The movie has a soft spot in my heart because of the nature of the film. I love down and out people in bad situations finding out they have super powers. Perhaps it’s the child like nature that I maintain even though I am just starting my 30’s. Perhaps its reflective on my desire to never “grow up.” I don’t know. It’s a question for a therapist. The point is this movie is bad. The acting is hammy, the characters are kind of flat and the transparent attempt at a franchise was pathetic.
4. A Knight’s Tale
Robert Baratheon, The Joker, Wash from Firefly, and Iroman’s AI butler are a team of con artists entering into Jousting tournaments even though they are commoners, what’s not to love? This movie is fun, but stupid (Kind of like most dogs).
3. Starship Troopers
This movie is a guilty pleasure. The best part about it is the beginning where they are in high school and obviously in their 30’s. Seriously, they should have found Luke Perry and had him play a pimply faced, squeaky voiced freshmen. The rest of the movie is a lesson crapché (That’s crappy clichés for those of you keeping score at home) and devolves into a B grade action flick. I love it. This is the very definition of schlock. I will also add that like Jumper, this is based off of a novel, and having read it, it too may as well be based off the Joy Luck Club.
2. Top Gun
Shirtless Beach Volleyball. /topic
I love Highlander more than anyone in the world with the exception of William Panzer and Peter Davis. They are the ones responsible for keeping this franchise alive. While I love their passion, I hate their acceptance of mediocrity. The first Highlander movie is good … ish … Lets agree on goodish. The second one is pure crap. The third Highlander movie is like if the piece of crap that was the second movie could vomit and shit at the same time. The fourth Highlander movie was also goodish. The fifth one however made me want to eat the vomit-crap that was the third movie rather than watch it again. The TV series however was good, but extremely dated (Based on production and the fact that cell phones are more prevalent). I have found that the proper order to enjoy the Highlander universe is as follows:
Watch Highlander; stop it right after the Kurgan dies.
Watch Highlander the Series, skip season 6.
Watch Highlander 4, stop it when Connor enters the sanctuary.
Watch Highlander 2 and 3 under the impression that they are fever dreams.
Continue Highlander 4 where you left off.
Ignore Highlander 5.
So, what shitty movies do you folks find yourselves watching for some unexplained reason?