Are you scared of people leeching off your fat pipes? More pressingly, are you scared of someone surfing into your network and peeking into your deepest darkest collection of latex-clad-furry bukkake? You must built your fort with this glory. Wi-fi blocking wallpaper. Protect your Fortress of Solitude.

Gizmodo:

Scientists from the institut polytechnique Grenoble INP and the Centre Technique du Papier have developed a novel new product so gratuitous, it almost seems necessary: a silver-crystal coated wallpaper that can block neighbors from freeloading off your Wi-Fi network. The silver crystals are arranged in such a way that they are able to block certain wireless frequencies, not least of which is the same frequency as a WiFI router.

But, what about just setting up a password-protected network? I don’t know. You most certainly can–and  should–do that. But if, for whatever reason, an open network is what you desire, this silver snowflake-speckled wall-covering will have your back. Unless you have windows. They’re still working on a clear coating with protective power equal to that of the paper.

Also, there will of course be somebody out there who will buy this, someone who both delights in a room covered floor-to-ceiling in metallic snowflakes  and  believes said remediation is superior to setting a password (which is  free, mind you–this wallpaper, when it’s released in 2013, will cost about as much as mid-grade conventional wallpaper). Who  is  this person?

I am this person! Or well, no, I’m not. Would be hard to explain to the girlfriend. (Though not as hard as perhaps you would imagine.)