Variant Covers: I Love It When You Deathstroke Me!

Sometimes I use comic books as a means to escape the drudgery of the daily routine. Tomorrow I’m going to be using them to escape the Furnace of Doom that is eating up the Eastern seaboard. The various nooks and crannies of my body are pooling sweat. My body smells like a refuge for swamp animals.

My air conditioner hates me.

It’s time to escape.

Variant Covers: The comic books I’m interested in this week. I’ll show you my pull-list, you show me yours. Behind the fence, where our parents can’t see.

Red Wing #1.
Jonathan Hickman and Nick Pitarra are dropping a new comic book onto shelves tomorrow. Published by Image, the story is based around a crew of ” temporal fighter pilots who battle to rescue the world from enemies who’ve already destroyed our past.” I don’t know much more about the title save for that description and the gorgeous artwork that accompanied it.

All I need to know is that it’s Hickman, who continues to be my favorite writer rocking through the halls of Marvel. Now that Fraction is preoccupied writing the boring Thor/Captain America cross-movie promotion that is Fear Itself, it’s Hickman’s titles that I look forward to the most every month.

He’s a master of straddling the line between needlessly heady pontificating and outrageous action sequences. Sold! Also dropping is the newest issue of Hickman’s FF, with the War of the Four Cities continuing. Wee!

Flashpoint Spin-Off Titles!
The best thing to come out of Flashpoint isn’t the Otherworlds-esque look at the DC Universe. As much as I enjoy the main series, there’s two spin-off titles that are rocking my tits on a high-level. We’re talking diamond cutting hard nipples from these two rags. If mindless events means giving creators the opportunity to riff on some mainstream titles because the publisher needs to flood the market with titles with the Extravaganza Banner, maybe it’s worth it.

The second issues of both Frankenstein and the Creatures of the Unknown and Deathstroke and the Curse of the Ravager drop this week, and I’m pretty excited. Both titles are lighthearted romps through the Alterna-World. Lemire and Roberson have Franky and his band of freaks on quest to find a cure for their mutations, while Palmiotti, Bennett, and Dell have Deathstroke scavenging the high seas for his missing daughter.

Aw! A pirate with a heart of Gold. Go figure.

If you’re looking for some pulpy bliss, I don’t think you can go wrong with either of those titles. Regardless of whether or not you turn your nose up at the idea of Flashpoint or event titles. Jump in, the water’s warm. With blood! Oh my gosh.

Northlanders #42 [And More].
The newest issue of my favorite Viking Metal book is dropping this week. Issue #42!, with the son of a bitch dying at issue #50. If you’re not reading this…well fuck, I can’t really threaten you or anything. She’s a sinking ship regardless of what you do. That said, this issue kicks off a new storyline, and fuck it – buy it or you’re a douche! I don’t really mean that. Forgive me. Hold me.

Jeff Smith drops his new issue of RASL, which happens just about as often as Neptune celebrates its first birthday.  Journey Into Mystery gets itself a new issue, as does Unknown, and Unwritten. Those are the tri-force of titles I should be reading but I’m not. I pat my first TPB of Unwritten on its cute belly and tell it that I’ll get to it soon.

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Captain America #1.
For all the balls-busting that DC is taking for DCnU coming out this Fall, Marvel’s been silently restarting all of their own titles with new #1 issues. Or so it feels like. Uncanny. Captain America. Thor. FF. Daredevil. Punisher. Goodness me, just look at it! I suppose you can sidestep my point and condemn both publishers.

That is not my intention! I come baring the bounty of forgiveness. Understanding. Or at least the relaxation of clenched fanboy ass. Induced by rage. And misgivings.

Captain America is getting a #1 this week in time for all the people who will (not) be rushing into stores to snag the comic book after staring at Chris Evans’ heaving pecs for two hours. That’s right! Let’s fuck up some good storylines just to try and capitalized on the spill-over market that doesn’t materialize anymore.

It’s still Brubaker’s baby, and Steve McNiven is being brought in to provide the pencils. None of that is shabby whatsoever. I’ll be buying it. Loving it. Maybe, though not definitely spraying it with my super serum. I don’t mean that at all, I’m just bored and wanted to use super serum as a euphemism for my unhatched children.

It just seems a waste to bounce Bucky off the title and renumber it in some gallant attempt to woo new readers.

Also this week in Marvel is X-Men: Schism, which promises to redefine the X-Universe for years to come. Are you as fatigued as I am with such proclamations? I’m ready for all the Universes to just fucking realign and alter forever already so the writers can get back to just penning some tales. Schism is courtesy of the talented tandem of Jason Aaron and Carlos Pacheco. If they have to reinvent the X, at least it’s in the hands of capable humans.