Broadcasting from Omega Station Monstar on this most glorious of three-day weekends, I present MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! This weekly post is my excuse to show off the various ways I’ll be entertaining myself through the workweek. After you read about how I’m going tranquilize my desires to scream “BURN IT DOWN!” while crashing an ice cream truck into the post office, you should then hit up the comments section and tell me what you’re up to.
If I don’t have new things to do, there’s a strong chance the mail’s going to be late this week.
The problem with Dragon Age 2 was that, it was at best, like twenty-three percent of a game. Somewhere in the miasma, there floats the rest of Dragon Age 2. A game that is more than three dungeons, a city, and an unmemorable storyline. I mean, it was a really really good twenty-three percent.
For a couple of weeks I’d been seeing pictures of Sean Young and Han Solo in eerily MySpace-esque pictures. I kept wondering where the fuck they were, amid shock that in fact even the coolest of people have been making the douchiest of faces in pictures for like thirty years or so. Now I know the origin! Hot ass, crazy-as-fuck Sean Young has posted a Polaroid album online from the set of Blade Runner. It’s fucking awesome.
The red-band trailer for the Fincher adaptation of ‘The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo’ has hit the internet thanks to intrepid souls with camera phones and the such. And let us praise those souls, for it’s fucking awesome.
[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]
As everyone knows, heavy metal is a genre of music performed exclusively by Satanists in the hopes of stealing souls for the Devil. But with the religious right constantly exerting their will, it isn’t always easy provide the Dark Lord the souls he craves. Fortunately, heavy metal wised up and stole a page from Big Tobacco’s playbook by employing cartoons! Since kids can’t resist cartoons, heavy metal has been able to ensure the damnation of millions of youthful spirits!
So, who is the most metal mascot of all-time? Well, the debate always seems to come down to two contenders: Iron Maiden’s Eddie and Megadeth’s Vic Rattlehead.
Monsters are awesome.
Tigers are nature’s monsters.
Tigers are awesome.
It’s a syllogism celebrated by some of Planet Earth’s most respected intellectuals, from poet Edward Blake to renaissance man Charlie Sheen. There is both an inherent beauty and ruthlessness of the tiger which makes people like it. After all, tigers are powerhouses of muscle and controlled violence, demanding respect and rewarding only those most worthy.
So when I sauntered into the package store and saw a four-pack of Bengali Tiger, there was only one option: buy that muthafuggah and drink `em until everything’s funny. Even Gallagher.
You can almost smell the sizzling scent of frying flesh on this forthcoming long weekend. Or uh, tofu if you’re of the vegetarian assort! Whatever it is, hell yeah motherfuckers! Welcome to the pretty much fucking Memorial Day edition of Press Start! The column that spits on the five things in the world of gaming that caught my eye this week.
The list is incomplete, based on whimsy, and structured in a way to encourage your participation. Let’s fucking dance!
With the passing of Macho Man last week, it’s good to see that another childhood icon of mine is carrying on. Ye old leather-skinned Hulk Hogan, whose ticker somehow refuses to quit. Hogan isn’t just still among the living, he’s also still the master of whoring his own Existence turned Brand. Thanks to him and the geniuses at Majesco, we’ll be getting a Hulk Hogan game for the Kinect.
While you’ll see “from the producers of Shaun of the Dead” printed on the adverts for Attack of the Block (along with Nick Frost’s schlubby face), Atb is in another league of genre-bending film exported from Britain. What makes AtB shine brighter than other Edgar Wright productions is that it takes its location, characters, and the invasion genre very seriously. It turns increasingly grim later in the film as the stakes are raised. And it works on every level. Bathed in attitude, rapid-fast chav slang, and plenty of humor, it’s an utterly confident debut from director Joe Cornish.