And a good god damn. I knew that I was going to love Fallout: New Vegas. I just didn’t realize that it was going to cater to someone as warped and depraved as myself. Like, seriously. This game is going to feature (suggestions only, unfortunately) robotic fisting? You have to be god damn kidding me.

ESRB Rating via Destructoid:

There is also an extended sequence suggesting (no depiction) sexual activity with a robot (e.g., “Fisto reporting for duty . . . Please assume the position,” “I suppose I should test you out . . . Servos active!” and “Something wrong with someone if they got to f**k a machine.”).

Fucking stupendous. I wish I could describe to you how funny I find the suggestion of getting fucked by a robot, or more properly, fisted by one. And the fact that this is being featured in a big market game makes me hopeful that someday when the world of overrun by the robot apocalypse, they shall spare a whole legion of people like me, who were way ahead of the curve on the idea of Robot-Human fluid-based interfacting.

Somewhere around 5AM I Googled “Paul Pope” and stumbled across Comics from Mars #2. Apparently it’s Pope’s newest addition to the THB universe and an exclusive at this weekend’s Baltimore Comic Con. I’ve only dabbled in THB, as I was planning on waiting for the huge collections rather than hunting down issues from the hidden realm of comix.

But bleary eyed, tiring, and a willing gulper of Pulphope-flavored Kool-Aid, you better believe I ordered me one of these.

Today marks the 15th anniversary of Summerslam `95. Although the card was pretty much filler, it was redeemed by one of the greatest matches of all time – the second ladder match between Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon. A rematch of their Wrestlemania X bout, these guys upped the ante by rocking two ladders and incorporating them into their signature moves.

Hit the jump to relive the pinnacle of professional wrestling.

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I always thought that dark matter was something that was made up. Like, some astrophysicist had a bad day, realized every equation they were working on was broken, and used something from a copy of Fantastic Four to fix everything. DARK MATTER. But I don’t know anything. I’m not an astrophysicist, I can’t even do math. Though I can read comic books. So, so well.

Well, apparently, NASA has taken a picture that gives us a glimpse at dark matter? Maybe?

Nasa via io9:

In their new study, the science team used images from Hubble to examine a massive cluster of galaxies, named Abell 1689, which acts as a magnifying, or gravitational, lens. The gravity of the cluster causes galaxies behind it to be imaged multiple times into distorted shapes, sort of like a fun-house mirror reflection that warps your face.

Using these distorted images, the scientists were able to figure out how light from the more distant, background galaxies had been bent by the cluster – a characteristic that depends on the nature of dark energy. Their method also depends on precise ground-based measurements of the distance and speed at which the background galaxies are traveling away from us. The team used these data to quantify the strength of the dark energy that is causing our universe to accelerate.

I have no idea if this is real or fluff, okay? I don’t possess the knowledge base to analyze the commentary, but I know it pretty much amounts to “Pretty cool theory may actually not be full of shit. May actually still be full of shit, though.” It sounds fun and the picture is pretty though! So there’s that!

As you may or may not know, Pepsibones and I live under the same roof. The result is a lot of absurd conversations, and oodles of wasted time.

Today as I was trying to pump out Press Start!, the Bones was in my room. I walked out for a moment to throw away a Diet Mountain Dew bottle. As I returned, he was in the middle of tipping a lamp over on himself. I caught him, I was too quick for his old man bones.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked him.

“The lamp was attacking me. It was a lamp attack.” He informed me.

This is about par for the course in one of our conversations.

“What the fuck is a lamp attack?” I inquired.

“It’s when a lamp loses its mind and attacks you.”

He seemed deadly serious.

He then proceeded to insist on showing me what it looks like when a lamp attacks a person. As you can see, it is not pretty in the least. Watch out for the lamps, yo. They’re eying you.

Oh shit! Now, these kicks aren’t specifically referenced as Tron sneakers. So maybe they’re not really Tron-themed. They’re called Nike Lunar Mariahs. But let’s be honest, they’re a perfect compliment to anything Tron. Get them, wank off to your VHS of the original movie, and await the sequel with panting lungs.

Welcome ya’ll to your den of nerd iniquity. A palace of horrors so wretched, you’re going to beg to have your mind-raped by a less absurd nerd. This is Press Start!, the gaming column of your nightmares. Every Friday I run down the top five things that caught my All Seeing Eye this week in the world of Blast Processing and Super-FX chips. The list is in no particular order, and it reflects nothing in the ways of ranking importance in the gaming community. That would necessitate a keen eye and analytical powers. I’m raw nerd stupidity, yo. Hit the comments box with your nerd highlights of the week.

#1: Nerd Organizes Legit Orgy Around PAX Convention
The gaming convention organized by the dudes from Penny Arcade is pretty righteous unto itself. A place where nerds can congregate. You know, sweat profusely, wear cosplay that shows folds and flaps of skin no other human being wants to see, and play some unreleased video games. I ain’t trying to sound disparaging, I would actually give a flank of skin to be able to fly out to Seattle and indulge in this creamy gaming goodness.

But I’m broke and Mom says at 27 I can’t get an allowance no moh’. Fuck.

So even with all this awesomeness, one dude has seen fit to kick the nerd depravity up a fucking notch. A chap even a bit more salacious than myself. He’s organizing a fucking orgy for nerds during the convention. Interest? Well, hit up his Craigslist advertisement and get in on the debauchery.

How fucking radical is this shit? I mean, seriously. After a long day of awesome Q&A Panels, video game playing, perhaps a nerd concert, what’s the best way to unwind? By gathering with a bunch of other like-minded individuals and filling a room with fluids and the stank of nerd balls and vaginas.

As perhaps predicted, the dude has already updated the Craigslist Ad with something along the lines of “Eh yo! Horny Dudes! There’s like a zillion of you, and unless we’re going to get into a wonderful chain 69 of dude on dude action, I gotta stop taking your replies and wait for some chicks to get in on this goodness.”

Please God, someone at least go to this for inquisitive means and get back to me. You don’t have to partake, you just must take notes. A casual observer.

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#2: Talented Dude Recreates Sonic Level In Gorgeous 2.5D Widescreen
Being a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog is tough. Like, real tough. With a solid decade of suckery under his belt, any glowing feelings I had for him have eroded. Like a dudebro’s chances of getting into that PAX Orgy. Dried up in withered in a puddle of tears. But videos like this bring me back to the hay-day of Sonicy goodness. A good chap by the name of BlobVanDam went out of his way to recreate Sonic & Knuckle’s Mushroom Hill Zone in glorious modern visuals.

I don’t know what sort of Gaming Voodoo or Black Geek Magic he employed to recreate the level, but it’s a fleeting glimpse into what every single failed Sonic game in the past painful ten years should have looked like. It’s side-scrolling bonery. Dear Sega, we just want to run really fucking fast collecting things as one of the greatest examples of X-TREME 1990’S culture. I want to fly furiously through a level of Sonic the Hedgehog and then read some Rob Liefeld X-Force.

Like the good ole days.

When I wasn’t getting rejected for nerd orgies.

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Confession time! Despite loving BioWare and everything they produce, I haven’t played Dragon Age: Origins. I know, I fucking fail. So hard, that it makes comprehension of said failure almost impossible to grasp. That said, the recently released Director’s Cut trailer for Dragon Age II has me losing my god damn mind.

It’s got almost everything that gives me a boner in life: a bad-ass dude with a ridiculously large weapon, power metal cords, and slow-motion combat. It’s god damn amazing. I was planning on conquering Dragon Age: Origins prior to the sequel dropping, and now I’m really fighting the urge to throw aside my backlog and play the son of a bitch.

I’m losing my cool with fervor, yo! Do need.

Hit the jump for the trailer.

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Oh shit! The future is about to arrive, and none of us are fucking ready! As it is scientifically known, Back to the Future provided a glimpse into the true future. I know we’ve been clamoring for it, and it has taken a while, but the first signs of its arrival is about to rear its head.

Self-tying sneakers. Fuck yes.

Deadspin:

The automatic lacing system provides a set of straps that can be automatically opened and closed to switch between a loosened and tightened position of the upper. The article further includes an automatic ankle cinching system that is configured to automatically adjust an ankle portion of the upper.

Welcome to the fucking future. It’s deliciously swank in here.

[Views From The Space-Ship, aka Desktop Tuesdays, aka Desktop Thursdays  is a (theoretically) weekly column where show you my worlds. Both real and virtual. Then, I invite you to share your own worlds in the comments!]

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