I’m back to drinking beer. And it is fucking glorious. For weeks I was plagued by a mysterious illness that forced me into spitting out beer and drinking whack substitutions. It was one of the toughest times of I’ve ever faced, as I was essentially forfeiting one of my favorite life-activities so that I wouldn’t die.

Worth the sacrifice? Yes. Am I glad it’s over? Double fuck-yes.

So this is the Friday Brew Review, once again at maximum operation status and ready to party. For this return to form, I threw out my usual self-imposed rules and regulations and instead decided to purchase whatever beer seemed most genuinely appealing. As I walked into the liquor store, I made no consideration about the brewery, style, brand, price or volume. The bottom line, the only important question I asked myself was, “Which damn brew most deserves a spot in Studio Apartment Krueger-Gut?”

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Oh my god I’ve crapped my bat-panties. The Dark Knight 2 or whatever you want to call it has a release date:

via cbr:

The Hollywood Reporter’s Heat Vision blog has confirmed that Christopher Nolan’s next and final Batman film will open July 20, 2012. Presently in postproduction on “Inception,” Nolan is working on the story for the as-yet-untitled Batman film with writer David Goyer.

How the fuck do you to The Dark Knight? Who the fuck knows. Even if the sequel is a Return of the Jedi to the Dark Knight’s Empire Strikes Back, it’ll still be enough to send legions of dorks like me into raving throes of ecstasy.

[click for entire sexy wasteland painting]

IGN is bringing the heat with these Fallout: New Vegas images from their preview. Jesus Christ, this game is going to be hot. As hot as an atomic bomb! Fucking get it!?! No! Fuck you!

Click the images to embiggen them.

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[via all games beta]

All Games Beta has a bunch of new Bulletstorm screens. YES. I’m fucking stoked for Bulletstorm, and I made that clear recently. It’s going to ultra-violent, absurd, and featuring drunk space pirates. If you can’t get behind that, you’re a douchebag. Head over to AGB for the rest of the scans. Of which, there are a shitload.

[via cbr]

Marvel dropped the first picture from the Thor movie today. And you know what? I am fucking loving it. Dude looks bad ass. I’ll wield his hammer! Hahahaha. I AM MIGHTY ENOUGH F U.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown wiser. Much wiser. I don’t want to toot my horn, but with enough undergraduate philosophy courses to complete two degrees, I’ve spanned the spectrum of intellectual debate. Because of this, I’ve gleamed insight the average mouthbreather can’t fathom, and I’d like to impart on you some of that knowledge.

Every and any problem in life can be fixed by a spinning lariat. Zangief and Mother Russian will show you the way.

Boyfriend treating you poorly?

Spinning Lariat that motherfucker.

Cat in a tree?

Spinning Lariat that fucking piece of bark.

Bills overdue?

Spinning Lariat those nuisances.

Car not working?

Spinning Lariat the engine into mush!

Episode of LOST making you homicidal?

Spinning Lariat that fucking LCD!

It’s elementary.

You’re all fucking welcome.

I can’t tell if I love Damon Lindelof, or if I find him incredibly smug and self-satisfied. I think it’s probably a little of both. So when he drops shit like:

via slashfilm:

If you’re expecting Lost to end with definitive answers think again. The Hollywood Reporter conducted an interview with Lost co-creator-showrunner Damon Lindelof, who revealed that the series finale will “end lost in a way that feels ‘Lost’-ian and fair and will generate a tremendous amount of theorizing.

I can’t tell if I love it, or if I’m annoyed. Lindelof, listen brother. I love you, I love LOST. But this season has been a Shit Hill with diamonds scattered amongst the partially digested corn kernels. So cut the shit, stop acting like you’re the man, and so help me, please don’t blow it. You have five episodes left.

I’m find with theorizing. I’m find with mysteries and unexplained phenomenology. See: Final Fantasy VII [prior to the movie], Battlestar Galactica, and The Beginning of The Cosmos.

What I’m not cool with is Transdimensional Love-Based Denouements, Sappy Heavy-Handed Exposition, and Kate, Sun, Jin, and Claire.

And David Shephard.

[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Spoilers Ahead. Forreal.

Holy shit. I really am a goddamn fanboy.

This is the realization I came to when doing the prep-work for this week’s Images & Words (see: reading comic books). While I believe in the power of comics as a medium first and foremost, I can’t help but willingly belly-flop into some of its pitfalls. Dudes with capes battling nefarious evil-doers. Womenfolk with impossible boobs and butts. Over-the-top splash pages. It’s all so damn glorious.

And the reigning king, the master of the dominion that is Nerd Manor, is Mark Millar. And that’s why we’ve written about him once or twice at OL. The man knows how to take the time-tested characters and put just enough spin on them to make them interesting again while retaining those properties we fell in love with in the first place. In short, Millar rules.

So I really shouldn’t feel bad about awarding yet another Millar book a spot on Images & Words. I shouldn’t. Seriously. But when I concluded that the pick of the week would be Ultimate Avengers 2 #1 I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had just given a Mark Millar comic the weekly feature…oh wait a second…I did…just last week.

Fuck it, this is my post and I make the damn rules. I am the arbiter of the OMEGA-COMIX-ZONE! I rule with a turkey drumstick in one hand and a paneled page in the other! Fear my lack of hygiene! Admire my useless knowledge! Now, step off my Nikes, you’re going to smudge them you prick!

*Ahem* Sorry. It’s been a long day.

Anyways, this introductory issue of Ultimate Avengers 2 shakes the narrative ropes like the Ultimate Warrior. The first caption reads “The Punisher gets busy” and is followed by eight pages wholly dedicated to various murders committed by Frank Castle. While most Marvel readers know that the Punisher’s methods often border on pure sadistic savagery, this first third of the comic takes the uninitiated and throws them into the deep-end without any floaties. “Swim kid, swim for your life!”

Millar’s Punisher is a man whose heart has truly been blackened and swept away by the wind. Without remorse, he guns down not only the targeted criminals but also anyone unfortunate enough to be (even loosely) affiliated with them. It’s unadulterated brutality.

In one instance we see Castle shoot a potentially innocent man. Hoping to be spared, the man pleads, “…I have two young sons. I do not even know these people. I am just their driver, man.” In another scene, the Punisher is reminded that one of his most recent targets, though a criminal, was still only in high school. For all intents and purposes, this is an exaggerated, hyperbolic version of the character. Which is interesting, because his status as a hero (or, I suppose, anti-hero) has to be called into question.

Of course, there’s a sting operation and right when Frank Castle thinks he’s going to nab some Russian mobster, Captain America pops out and fucks his shit up. Ah, good `ole Stevie Rogers, always willing to arrest people convicted of murdering “over two hundred people.” Once in custody, Castle is informed by Nick Fury and Black Widow that the only way he can stay off of Death Row is to lead a black ops team tasked with doing the dirty work that Captain America and his buddies aren’t willing to deal with.

Right now, I’m not 100% sure how I feel about this whole bad boy working for the good guys plot. If it turns into nothing more than Frank Castle and Steve Rogers punching each other out in the name of conflicting ideologies, I fear I’ll be a bit disappointed. But if we get to see these two heroes look past their differences for the sake of beating villainous ass, well then I’m all in. Either way, the first issue of Ultimate Avengers 2 instills enough faith to remain optimistic and so I plan on doing so. Remaining. Optimistic, that is.

Thus far, the true beauty of Ultimate Avengers 2 is found in its art. Leinil Francis Yu rocks a pencil with a precision and detail that would make surgeons weep. When Frank Castle brains someone, blood is expelled not in a single horror-movie stream, but with miniscule droplets and tiny rivulets streaming all about. When a body is flung into a car window, it really seems as though millions of shards of glass are going to fly off of the page. Hell, he even makes a black eye fold over with multiple creases the way they actually do.

Another thing I love about Yu’s pencils (and an open source of debate between Caffeine Powered and me) is that not all of the lines are cleaned up or erased. In fact, a lot of them remain and are inked right over. I love this shit. I think it hits the reader’s subconscious, reminding him that what is being experienced is a fucking comic book. Not a photograph. But a comic book, a series of real drawings that were crafted by an artist.

Again, I’m not sure where Ultimate Avengers 2 is going. It has the potential to be campier and more ridiculous than its predecessor, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But so far, the big violent roller-coaster of a sequel has come out of the gate and ascended the first peak. Arms up, motherfuckers.

For years, Xbox fanboys have clung to Bungie. The studio has severed as a legit binkie for all sorts of choads and dickwads to use in their PS3 vs 360 argument. Now all that shit is going to change. With Bungie leaving Microsoft and signing a deal with Activision, the motherfuckers who made fat dudes and dorks ejaculate onto their Halo 3 Ridiculous Edition Spartan Helmet are going multiplatform. You can almost hear the screams of the legions of unwashed masses.

So how about Sony, who is obviously going to let Bungie slither into their disc tray with a grand smile. How are those fuckers feeling? Fucking fantastic:

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I was relieved that there wasn’t any LOST this week. All of my friends, from the Rocking Tommy to Patrick Mars expressed the same relief and satisfaction that I felt. It was nice. So I’m going to kick it to you guys, what’d you do on your night off from LOST this week?

Me? I hung out with my lady. Got home from school, macked on some delicious dinner she cooked (she’s far too good for me, don’t tell her), hung out and watched some sports, zoning out. I returned home, and hit the scholarly articles with a vengenance. I didn’t seethe or grasp my skull in agony or despair.

I may be at the point where I’m ready to call this season a disappointment. Now listen. I think that the show can ultimately rock. The next five episodes can blow my fucking mind. But when 50% of the season has been blegh.com, isn’t that ultimately considered a disappointment? Or do you consider an amazing conclusion a salve for all the chapped-asses that have arisen from Transdimensional Lovecore and other bullshit? I’m actually not sure where I stand on that one.

The week off is probably good for my tolerance of the show as a whole. I actually miss it at this point, despite the last episode pushing my blood pressure to precarious levels. I’m ready to give it a pass if next week brings the heat.

What’d you guys do this Tuesday night? Are you ready for next week’s episode? Does disappointment come from the majority of the episodes being ass, or does it come from it concluding in an unsatisfying manner.

Just because there wasn’t any LOST don’t mean we can’t get some conversation going.

[p.s: watch flashfoward]