Sega is dropping Sonic 4 on our asses this year. It’s a whole bit of trippy. For starters, it’s going to be released episodically. And they’re calling it Sonic 4, despite the fact that since Sonic & Knuckles came out sixteen years ago…
…Wait a second, Sonic & Knuckles came out sixteen years ago? Holy fucking shit. That sucks. What the fuck is going on? 1994 was that long ago? Jesus Christ. It feels like just yesterday I was rubbing my boner confusedly on my bedroom floor while staring at Mileena’s tits in my Mortal Kombat II strategy guide.
And now? Now I’m doing the same fucking thing and I have nothing to show for it!
But yeah, since then, they’ve released a zillion games. From Sonic Adventure to Sonic And A Pack of Douchebags to Sonic The Werewolf Asshole, they’ve all missed the mark. So they’re stripping the game down to what we’ve only wanted for the past decade and a half. We want to run really fucking fast, through loops, in a 2D side-scroller.
And now we can.
Check out the video to either:
- Feel old as shit, or
- Be too young to appreciate it, and be like, what the fuck is a Sonic the Hedgehog?