- The 24 Movie is Real?
Here’s hoping Billy Ray is better than the glue-huffing monsters writing this season. - Final Fantasy XIII Is Receiving Xbox 360 Bundle in North America
Jesus Christ, it’s hot. Not as sleek as the PS3 bundle, but it still gets the parts engorged. - Haters Gon’ Hate: My Top 10 Nicolas Cage Movies
My friend Patrick Cooper discusses the utter genius that is Nicholas Cage. Dude gave me Adaptation, Raising Arizona, and The Rock. He can churn out all the Ghost Riders he wants after that. - Bioshock 2 Came Out Today
I won’t be able to play it for roughly a zillion years, but I can’t help wanting to see how they pull off the sequel to a rather tightly-bound story, needing nothing added to it. Other than a more satisfying ending to the original. Oh, I said it! - Bruce Wayne Looks Really Dumb As A Pirate and Cowboy
Yo, listen. Between LOST and Captain America: Reborn, I’m officially fatigued with time-warping, trans-dimensional takes on my favorite characters. - Now Us Men Can Count Our Own Sperm!
Welcome to the future, may you be fertile!
Tags: 24, Bioshock 2, Nicholas Cage Is A Genius
So I read the Nicolas Cage post and my brain exploded. If you know me, you know two things about me.
1. I really, REALLY Love the Fallout Series.
and
2. I hate Nicolas Cage more than AIDs, Religious Fanaticism, Vegans, Reality TV, Iran, Hillary Clinton, The Yankees and Moxie Cola combined.
Con Air is scientifically proven to be the worst movie ever. How do we reach this conclusion? There is a formula (The formula is a little bit more complicated than the QB rating formula) Its rated for the following things …
Budget to Story ratio: $75,000,000 to 0 (-60 points)
Star Power/Character Quality: Amazing to Fucking Shitty (0 points)
Dialogue: I’ve seen worse, a couple of catchy one liners (10 points)
Enjoyment: 2 minutes of Steve Buscemi … that all (5 points)
Nicholas Cage Content: 95% (-50 points)
Cusack Factor: 65% (10 points)
Only using these factors we come to a score of -85. That’s only part of the scale. There are other measuring factors. My favorite being the DUMP SCALE. The DUMP SCALE is when you compare the movie to a bowel movement. Lets stick with Nicholas Cage movies for the sake of continuity.
Raising Arizona: The Clean Dump (That dump you take and you know you don’t have to wipe … you still do, but you’re just wasting paper)
The Rock: The Five Palm Exploding Pants Dump (Starts out like a clean dump, you wipe, nothings there, you take five steps and you’ve got mud butt)
Face Off: The Sideways Brick Shit (That dump you take that feels like you’ve shit a brick sideways)
and Finally, Con Air: Falls somewhere between the Runs on the hottest day of the year in a full port-a-potty (Complete with splash back) with 100% humidity, and the Barbwire shit (When it feels like there is barbed wired being pulled out your ass like a magician pulling a handkerchief from his sleeve. The most painful of all the shits.)
You know, when I reread this, I appear to be a psychopath … I’m ok with that.
Yeah dude. You need therapy.