Variant Covers: Cap America Cock Measuring Contest and Image United Takes You Back to Puberty
Captain America Reborn: Who Will Wield The Shield [One Shot]
I’m not really sure what’s going on with Marvel and their handling of the return of Steve Rogers. You see, the dude hasn’t even came back in Captain America: Reborn, and he’s already running about in Invincible Iron Man, and this week sees the release of Who Will Wield the Shield. I’m not sure how this is coming out prior to the final issue of Reborn. I know that they had to add an extra issue to Brubaker’s storyline, and that’s absolutely fucking stellar in my book. Brubaker’s event has me sold, man. The whole thing is a sprawling time-warp mindfuck that has at last issue, left Steve Rogers and the Red Skull throwing haymakers at one another. In the Red Skull’s mind. Hell to the yeah. My medicine is telling me that it’s okay to like big super events these days, if they’re done right. Ed Brubaker sir, you do them excellent. But I would be a happier panda if they released them in, I don’t know, a sensible order?
Brubaker also has the ability to sell me on issues I would otherwise find to be money grabs and superfluous. Take for example Who Will Wield the Shield. Now…is there anyone who thinks that Steve Rogers isn’t going to come up brandishing the Circular Icon of Patriotism? Egg on my face if I’m wrong, but c’mon. He’s Steve fucking Rogers. The Aryan Posterchild who was the only guy strong enough to stop The Guy Championing Aryan Posterchildren.
That said, I’m pretty fucking bummed that Bucky ain’t going to be championing the mantle anymore. He was an interesting chap, to say the least. It is always entertaining to see someone else reinterpret a symbol, either modifying it for their own uses, or simply accepting what the symbol was considered before. Barnes wore the mantle as an oath to the pinnacle of American Idealism. He seemed more dedicated to maintaining the legacy of his his best friend/hero’s life than he was in upholding American ideals. They came as an accessory to the main thrust of his existence as Captain America.
Image United #2
If you grew up in the 1990’s and were a comic book nerd, you have to be the saltiest of haters to not have at least a passing interest in Image United. I mean c’mon, haters. It’s featuring artwork by six of the original Image founders, and covers by the seventh, Jim Lee. It’s got all those comic book characters you fucking fawned over when you were like twelve. I’m not going to front, I was all SPAWN FOR LIFE KID back when I was in high school. I also wear JNCO jeans and used Sun-In to dye my hair orange. Time passes and you change.
But it’s so god damn intriguing, I can’t help but read it. It also stars the original Spawn, Al Simmons, as the ultra-villain! Omega Spawn! Seriously, how can you not be excited for this, in some bizarre, time machine, train wreck sort of way? It’s like getting the band back together! Marc Silvestri, Todd McFarlane, Rob fuggin Liefeld? At the very least, it’s great for a nostalgia trip. I’ll sit there reading about it, think about how many years have passed since then, and then eventually begin to brood about how little I’ve done with my life. They’ll find me in a bathroom, covered in vomit and tears, yelling about what should have been.
On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t read this.
Green Lantern #49
I wish there was a title I was totally stoked for coming out from DC this week. I think I may be a Marvel dongstroker at this point. Alas, I’m sorry. I can’t hate on Green Lantern, though. Geoff Johns is just a solid writer. You know what you’re getting. Unless you’re adverse to tie-ins, then you should stay the hell away from this title. Blackest Night has descended upon pretty much every DC title, so if you hate zombies and Green Lanterns, this title is probably going you into an apoplectic rage. You’ll wake up and find yourself covered in feathers, blood, and regrets. This issue has John Stewart looking down sniper scopes while zombies descend upon him from behind. And he’s also facing past regrets and shit, too.
Then there’s Detective Comics #680, which I don’t read, but I should just for the artwork alone. JH Williams III draws a mighty gorgeous page, and his work on Detective doesn’t disappoint. If you’re like me, which is broke from Christmas shopping and conniving, try and talk a loved one into buying it so you can flip through it on the toilet one day. Always works for me.